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Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Headstone decisions

When Marc and I were first looking at headstones, Marc had decided it would mean a lot to create the design/layout of our girls' headstone. Well, it's taken us three months... mostly because it has been so hard to make any final decisions, knowing it would be, well, so... FINAL. (Unless we want to pay thousands of dollars to change it every month.)

Well, we still don't have the headstone in place... BUT, we almost have the design and wording finished. I never knew it would be so hard to figure out what to put on a headstone. What words do you write? Do you address the loved one to whom the grave belongs or do you address the random stranger who may or may not visit the site? What graphics or pictures do you include? Any other designs? What font? How about a decorative border of some sort? And, did you know you can get different colors of granite? They have red and pink, black and other random colors I didn't care for. We decided on the normal gray granite, since it weathers better than the colored granite.

I've been feeling anxious lately about getting it done... as hard as it is to face all these questions and make these decisions, I just want the gravesite to be complete. I already have the prettiest purple and cream, silk flowers to put in the girls' vase, but I'm waiting for the headstone to be in place before leaving the flowers. Motivation of some sort to get the headstone done, I guess.

There is something really final about the headstone that makes me relieved and sad at the same time. Relieved because it's really the last thing to do (besides taking down the nursery... still haven't done that). But, sad because it makes it feel more real that they're not with us... but, that's obvious I guess. It isn't like I'm expecting them to come back to life or anything. (Not right away, anyway.)

I guess it's just the recognition that our most hoped-for-but-never-would-have-imagined, greatest dreams came true with our miracle twins. We will forever remember the sweet taste we received from those brief moments with Elliana and Emmaline. That sweetness is our driving force, pushing us upward along this path, filling us with hope for the day we meet again. I can already imagine drinking deeply from the well of joy and love that awaits us on the other side.

And, just because, here's a little random fact.... In my quiet moments, I find myself writing letters to my daughters in my thoughts. I've never had my thoughts organized in "letter-form" before. It's kind of a neat experience. I mostly ask them questions... I guess it's my way of anticipating with great hope to one day hear all their answers.

Elli and Emma, do you have any idea how much we love you? I think you do. Do you know you've brought us more joy than we ever could have imagined? We couldn't have been blessed with two more courageous and perfect girls. We can't wait to be with you... we'll make it through this. We promise. Oh, how we love you....


6 comments:

Head Nurse or Patient- you be the judge said...

Maybe you could write them letters for real and save them in a special box to share with your future family. It could be a really wonderful experience. Just a thought-

Prayers!

Amy said...

Megan, you have a beautiful heart. Thank you for sharing all of these tender moments, they always touch me and inspire me to be a better person. I aspire to have your faith and pray that in whatever times of personal crisis I might have in the future that I can keep that faith and be strong. I can't imagine what it might be like to go through that - I suppose no one can unless they've been there. All I can say is that, for whatever reason, Heavenly Father is conditioning you for a greater purpose. Every time I get on my knees I say "Oh thank you, thank you so much for my trials. I have learned SO much - It was worth the wait!"

I know that things will be WORTH THE WAIT for you, too. I have such a tender place in my heart for you two. Still (and always) praying.
Love, Amy

Amy said...

Oh. Ugh. Headstone. That sounds like a really, really hard thing to do.
I have Zach's ashes in a little, wooden box in Jared's dresser. I haven't even thought about doing anything with them yet.
You're really brave for taking this on, and I bet it will be a huge relief and a huge sadness when the project's complete.
Just know that I'm thinking about you tons.

Anonymous said...

You may never know how much your blog has helped me. Thank you.

Andrea said...

Megan:
I talk to Wyatt all the time in my mind. I hope that some how he might be able to listen. Have you read "The message"? It's a good read and makes me realize how close heaven really might be.
Headstone.....haven't gone down that hard road yet. I would love to see what you end up doing for your sweet little princesses.
Love,
Andrea

Kim said...

This makes me teary and weepy. Oh how I love to come here and read of your words. So many of these thoughts are often my own, yet different. How much faith you have. I love you guys, I hardly know you but I do. After our last failed placement (I had the nursery all put together all ready as baby was due in two weeks) some of my dear friends came and took everything down for me, boxed it up and sent my hubby and me on a date. It was the best thing ever. I wish I were closer...loves.