Blessings - Part 1

After writing that last post, I intended on writing a follow-up the very next day. I thought I would finally find the right words to share what happened next. But, I'm still struggling.

Have you ever experienced something that feels so special that, while your heart shouts for joy, shouting it from the rooftops seems inappropriate? Instead, you want to whisper it quietly into the ears of those who are closest to you, hoping that they'll feel the sacredness of what you're sharing.

Over the last couple of months, we've felt completely overwhelmed with feelings of gratitude for the healing we've found in the last year. Choosing to go through every grueling part of the grieving process has turned out to bring a new beauty to life. And, in seeking to know and understand my role and purpose in this season of my life, I've found answers come in the form of blessings that I never expected, that I never could have dreamed of.

Here's me whispering in your ear...

On the last day of August, we received the first bit of unexpected and joyful news. Even though we hadn't officially gotten back into adoption, we received an email from Tracey, a birth mother, letting us know she had chosen us to adopt her baby boy. The experiences that led her to find us have felt so clearly Divinely guided. From our first contact with Tracey, we have felt the Lord's hand in this blessing, this miracle. And, I can't help but wonder what role certain angels have played in helping this all to happen.

It is difficult to express the love and admiration we feel for Tracey. I have struggled a bit with the contrast of emotions that come with this approaching adoption. While we feel joy at the blessing this little boy will be in our family, we know the choice for Tracey is not an easy one. It pains me to think of the grieving process she faces. We know something of pain and heartache from losing a child and it hurts to think that she might be experiencing some of that. That's why I'm so relieved with our mutual feelings about having a very open adoption. I hope that through the years we can somehow find a way to adequately express our love and gratitude to Tracey.

As expressed in this article about adoption, our greatest hope for Tracey is that she will find "that from the ashes of [her] deepest pain, [God] has made something beautiful."

I find great comfort in my firm assurance that she and I share the same loving and merciful Father who sees the full picture of our lives and knows the details of every feeling, every unspoken yearning, every hurt and every fear. Because of His perfect love, He knows how and when to send the right joys and pains that will teach us lessons of life that will help us become who He intends for us to become. He clearly works in mysterious ways... and I'm constantly amazed at how perfectly those mysteries are resolved.

Baby Boy is expected to arrive January 11th.

(That's only seven weeks away!)