Ten Years of Genuine

Marc and I celebrated ten years of marriage a couple of weeks ago - August 23rd to be exact. With it feeling like a big milestone, we had talked about options of big ways to celebrate it together. But, with a newborn in the mix and other family things keeping our month pretty busy, we opted for making plans for a getaway to happen in the near future (like, hopefully within a month or two).

So, this year on our actual anniversary we kept things pretty low-key. Marc worked during the day, like normal, while I took care of the three little ones, like normal. Since my parents were away on a special getaway to celebrate their 50th anniversary (the day before ours), we got take-out for dinner from one of our favorite little joints in town - sharing the chicken/avocado sandwich and the chicken/avocado salad. It was delicious and a nice break from slaving in the kitchen.

Once the kids were all asleep, we sat on the couch and read love notes we'd each written for each other. One of my favorite parts of Marc's letter to me was how he appreciated the struggles we've gone through as they've only helped make our marriage feel less fake. And, I realized I agreed. Our struggles have made our relationship so much stronger and genuine. And, I really like genuine... even with all of its messy, imperfect parts.

After our love-letter-reading we perused furniture stores online - wanting to buy new couches as a gift to ourselves. And, then we pulled up a map and started making plans for our upcoming little getaway. We still haven't finalized the couch purchase nor our plans to get away, but hopefully we'll get to them both before #11 rolls around next year!

Gadgets and Gizmos Aplenty

We have finally solved the little glitch that was keeping me from accessing the photos on our camera. You have now been forewarned of photo overload in the next few days.

And, so, without further ado...

Marc loves his gadgets. Turns out that Ben and Hugh love his gadgets, too. Not too terribly surprising. When I asked Marc tonight what he was showing the boys in the photos below, he couldn't remember for sure but thought it might have been Bejeweled.

* I love how Hugh is resting his head on the couch in this one... like he's too tired to keep standing, but too engrossed to do anything else.

The other morning, Ben loved getting a taste of Daddy's music. They were listening to R.O.C.K. in the USA. When Marc tried to put the ear buds up to Hugh's ears, he kept jerking his head to the side, trying to figure out what he was trying to do. I'm sure he'll come around in time.

I love watching the interactions between Marc and our boys. I love thinking of all that he'll pass down to them, from computer games and music to a steady faith and a kind heart. And, hopefully his sense of humor and love of Nutella. They are so lucky to have him, as am I.

Renaissance Men

Since I'm still staying home, and away from viruses that might harm my babes, I didn't make it to church today. (Last Sunday someone actually asked my Dad how "the bubble babies" were doing... making light of my overly protective ways. Funny John. I don't mind... at least my babies aren't catching others' sicknesses.) 

Anyway, since I was home (with the help of my Mom for part of the time), we watched Music and the Spoken Word. Appropriately the message today was dedicated to fathers. One message that was highlighted was something referred to as "the Renaissance Man," which basically is a title given to men who are skilled and talented in many different disciplines. Lloyd Newell pointed out that in our society there are many to whom we could give this title, but those men most deserving of it are the fathers who find ways to balance being a hard-working bread-winner and filling the tender role of father.

While I listened to the message, I couldn't help but reflect on the two fathers in my life that mean the most to me - my Dad and my Marc. Here are two men who are Renaissance Men in every way.

* My Dad with Hugh

My Dad always seemed to find the extra time for early morning fishing and camping trips, exploring the outdoors, and spending individual time with each of us. And, now, I adore watching the time he gives to my little boys. A year ago I had an intimate talk with my Dad while at our family reunion. I told him how much longed for the day that I could watch he and my Mom loving and caring for my children, the way I've always watched them care for my nieces and nephews. I was so worried that day wouldn't come in time. But, now that time has come and it brings me so much joy!

* Marc with Ben

And, just for the record, I think Marc deserves the title of Father of the Year. I have been so amazed with how well he has managed wearing all the different hats that he has to wear right now... not only in how he has done it all, but how he has done it cheerfully. He has been Ben's nighttime buddy - taking over bath-time, massage-time, and sleepy-time. Then, in the morning he lets me sleep in with Hugh, bringing me breakfast in bed. During the day he works long, full hours... but still making himself available if I need his extra arms. Then, at night we've managed to find at least a half hour that we spend together talking or watching part of a movie or doing something to keep us connected. On top of "Daddy" and "Husband" and "Designer" he also has a busy church calling that keeps him busy throughout the entire week. I've never felt so lucky to have him as my life's companion.

So, Happy Father's Day to my two favorite Renaissance Men... and to all the other amazing Renaissance Men out there!

So in love...

I've never felt a greater feeling of love than I do this year.

There is something about watching Marc in moments like this that just melts my heart. Seeing him naturally fall into the role of Daddy has made me fall in love with him on a completely different level. 

And, I never would have imagined the kind of love I'd feel when I look into these beautiful blue eyes.

Then, to feel the constant movements of the little one on his way...

I'm literally overwhelmed with love from every angle.

And on this holiday that celebrates love, we can't help but celebrate Ben's birth mother, Tracey. After all, I know of few other selfless acts of love that can even compare. She has taught us the meaning of true love and we have a daily reminder of how blessed we are because of her love for her son and for us. We love her so much. 

(Speaking of which, hopefully the final part of our adoption story will be up soon. I think you can see how hard it would be to divert my attentions from this cute little one.)

Love. Pure love.

Seven years...

"...went under the bridge, like time was standing still... ." Gotta love this song from the 80's.

Seven years ago, two lives merged into one. Sacred promises were made. Our family unit was formed.

I was so clueless.

As a naive 24-year old I know I didn't fully appreciate the meaning behind our marriage covenants. Looking through a window of pain this last year has revealed a clearer perspective and a much deeper appreciation for the sacred events of that day, seven years ago. This year, especially, I've felt comforted with the assurance of relationships bound, here and there.  

I've been reflective this week, thinking about something we were told last year by my doctor, after we lost our girls. Eighty percent of couples that experience losing a child will end up getting divorced.

Eighty percent. Sobering. Sad.

In those early months, though, I definitely understood why. Grief is experienced and expressed in such different ways. It's confusing to face the chaos in one's own heart, making it totally overwhelming to then try to make sense of the unspoken chaos weighing down the love you share your life with. I took her words as a sort of warning. It put me on guard, determining to do my part in defending my marriage from the negative effects of grief. 

Last year as we marked our sixth anniversary, for the most part the day felt dreary and heavy. No matter how I looked at it, all I could see was the representation of six years of heartache, disappointment, pain. 

Today was different. Today we celebrated. We survived a very difficult year. Together. We are stronger, we are closer. And, that is something to celebrate. We ate warm, homemade peach pie, ala mode. We beat the odds. But, just because we made it through a really hard year (and the six before that) doesn't mean by any means that the fight is over. While I know good things lie ahead, I'm also aware of probable mountains yet to climb. Through the peaks and valleys of life, I feel inexpressibly grateful to have Marc by my side.

Elder Scott told me...

Last night, after Marc returned home from the Priesthood session of General Conference, we were relaxing on the couch. As he put his arm around me, he said, "Meg, I love you." He said it so sweetly, and I replied, "Aw, I love you, too." Then, he said, "Elder Scott told me to tell you that."

I giggled. "Really?" I asked.

Marc: "Yeah, he said I should take every chance to wrap my arms around my wife and tell her I love her."

Me: "Oh, that's sweet."

Then, a little later, I was up in the kitchen doing the dishes, when I hear him call out, "Whatcha doing, babe?"

Me: "I'm just doing the dishes before we go to bed."

Marc: "Do you want some help?"

Me: "Oh, that's sweet... but, no, I'm okay. It should just take me a minute."

Marc: "Elder Scott told me to ask you that."

I giggled again.

Then, later, as we were climbing into bed, I said, "we need to read the scriptures." And, he said, "I'm going to get better at taking the lead of our scripture study... Elder Scott said I should."

It was so cute how he was already trying to put into practice the messages he heard from Elder Scott's talk.

These past two days have been so amazing! I'm so grateful for the sweet comfort and encouraging messages of hope and faith that we've received from our living prophets this weekend. I came hungering and wanting... and I have been filled to overflowing. There is so much to digest, so much to take in and put into practice. We will work for the next six months to make our lives reflect the beautiful messages we've received, and continue to find even more healing and strength in the coming months.

For anyone that is interested, please go here to listen to messages of hope, of courage in the face of trial, of practical advice in how to face the challenges of the world we live in. For me personally, I found so many talks directly point to tools that will help me along my journey of grief... my heart has found so much healing this weekend.

You will not be disappointed. I promise.

THIRTY!!!

Today is the day that both Marc and I were born. I can't remember for sure, but we looked it up once, and it seems like I was born around 1:30pm and Marc was born around 3:50pm. Yes, I married a younger man. That two hours and twenty minutes is huge!

We are celebrating the BIG 3-0 this year! How awesome is that?! I'm totally thrilled about the thirties. Seeing as life just keeps getting better and better, I just know really great things lie ahead and I can't wait.

So, anyway, I just wanted to take a moment to spotlight My Sweet One. To be honest, I don't think I understood exactly what I was in for when I agreed to marry him. I mean, I knew it would be good... I just didn't realize how AWESOME life would be with him. Seriously, I have it so good.

Let me start off by saying that over the last month I have thrown up more times than the rest of my life put together. And, when I'm not throwing up, I'm curled up on the couch trying to keep myself from throwing up. As a result, my help around the house with daily things has been greatly limited. Marc has done SO MUCH to help keep us alive. On top of his already busy schedule of work and bishopric duties, he's been doing the grocery shopping, the cooking (or sometimes "warming in the microwave"), the dish-washing, the back-rubbing... and, most wonderful of all? He's been covering my 6am early morning seminary class for me. He has been so wonderful in every way. I am so blessed!!

And, then on top of all of that, the cutest thing happened the other evening. I was in my usual curled position on the couch when the doorbell rang. Marc was in his office working. He answered the door to find three young kids, asking for donations for Little League. Two girls and a younger boy. So, he grabbed the only cash we had on hand and gave it to them. They left and he went back to his office. Well, a few minutes later I hear him rushing out the front screen door. Thirty seconds later he comes in and in the most concerned voice says, "where are the bandaids and neosporin?" I was confused and asked what happened. Well, turns out that all the way from back in his office he could hear someone crying, so he went out to see what was going on. The Little League boy had apparently stabbed himself with a pen and according to Marc, "no one was even helping him." It was SO sweet, as I watched Marc bandage up this little boy. He must have done it just right, because in perfect little boy fashion, the tears immediately stopped the moment the bandaid was in place. I can't wait to watch him naturally assume the role of father. He is going to be so great!

And, I can't talk about Marc without mentioning how HILARIOUS he is. He can be sitting in a room with people aging from 14 to 84 and say something that has everyone laughing. Now, that's talent. He just has a great sense of humor and can turn any tense situation around until people are laughing. It used to frustrate me when I needed to have a good heated discussion about some important topic, and I never could under his charm and wit. I love that about him. Life is never dull with him!

There is so much that I love about him. Like the fact that he is totally fine with the half of a "Mother's Day" carrot cake someone brought over for us yesterday counting as our birthday cake this year. And, that since I don't dare eat out in public right now we'll probably be eating crackers and ginger ale for our special birthday meal.

BUT, I promise that in a couple of weeks (when the vomiting has hopefully stopped) we will have a REAL celebration of our big 30th birthday! I love you, Marc! Happy Birthday!

My very talented husband

It has been an insanely busy week so far, and it's only Wednesday... well, almost Thursday! BUT, I really had to point out that the new layout of our blog was the incredible creative handiwork of Marc. I like to think that I help in the brainstorming sessions we have, but the design and execution of all of it is ALL him. He is so amazingly talented. I love him to pieces and continue to find things about him that totally amaze me. I don't know how I got so lucky!

Happy Valentine's Day

This is the seventh Valentine's Day that I'm spending with the person who I am so lucky to call MINE. There are so many reasons why I love Marc....

Without saying too much, let me just say that of all the things I adore about this man, his genuineness and his gentleness have made me feel safe to fall in love again and again. As an added bonus he just happens to be the funniest person I know and brings pure gladness into my life.

Happy Valentine's Day! I hope it's a lovely day for everyone...

Divinely Guided - Part Two

Okay, sorry to leave you hanging. Well, actually it's kind of fun to know that I have people in suspense. I feel... so... powerful. :)

So, I found out on Halloween that Marc's dad had passed away. Then on Saturday, November 11th, Marc was in a serious car accident - he totaled his car. When I heard that his Dad died, I remember thinking that I wished we were friends already, because then I could express my sadness to him without it being totally awkward. Then, after the car accident I was determined to let him know I was thinking of him, even though I knew there wasn't any UN-awkward way about doing it. So, I figured I'd talk to him at church the next day.

Let me just add in here that at the time all of this was happening I was dating another guy. Dave* and I had been dating for a couple of months at this point. But, it's an important part of the story, because I don't want anyone out there thinking that I took advantage of Marc's fragile situation with the intention of woo-ing him into loving me. As crazy as it might sound, I just genuinely wanted to be his friend.

(*the names of some characters in this story may be changed to protect their identity)

So, anyway, Sunday came. As I was leaving the chapel, I noticed him up ahead. As I got closer, I reached out my hand to shake his hand (such a dorky RM thing to do, huh?) and said something like, "sorry about all you're going through." I knew whatever came out of my mouth had the potential of sounding insincere, so I tried to make sure he knew I meant it.

I wished I could have said or done more, but you have to remember that we're complete strangers at this point. We had never talked before. I'm pretty sure he didn't have the slightest idea who I was... and I only knew who he was because my roommate was friends with him.

So, that night my sister, Mandi (who was also one of my roommates at the time), informed me that she had signed me up to bring pizza dough to the Family Home Evening activity the following night. I agreed with one condition - that she bring me home some pizza from the activity. I worked Monday nights until 9:30pm so I never went to the FHE activities, so I had no idea that Marc and I were in the same FHE group.

The minute I got home from work Monday night, I had to have my pizza... but, Mandi had forgotten to bring me home some. It turned out that the leftover pizza was at Marc's apartment, so off we went to get me some pizza.

Marc and his roommates were sitting around the kitchen hanging out. Marc had mentioned that he was still really sore from the accident... and I was thinking that since I was interested in massage therapy that that was the same as being able to give a good massage. So, I offered to help loosen up his shoulders. After a few seconds, I noticed Mandi was wincing simply by reflecting the strained look on Marc's face. So, um, yeah, I was apparently too rough on him... and successfully embarrassed myself.

We didn't stay for much longer after that. On the way out the door, though, I asked Marc if he needed rides to school, since his car had been totaled. He said that his roommate was taking him. So, I told him that if it turned out that he needed a ride for some reason, that I went up to campus at 7:30am and came back around 3:30pm. Then, he said, "okay, tomorrow morning sounds good." I was surprised that he accepted so suddenly, but happy that I was going to be able to get to know him better.

The next morning came and I picked him up. It's true that I was still dating Dave at this point... but, when Marc came out of the his apartment wearing a blue, long-sleeved, buttoned shirt with navy cords, I thought, "wow, he dresses nice." Okay, lame, I know, but it was just an observation. Another thing I observed was that he wore some really nice-smelling cologne.

So, we drove to campus and then had about a 15 minute walk still. So, we talked. Well, the way I remember it was that I talked. He asked me so many questions that by the end he knew tons about me, and I still knew very little about him. He was so thoughtful and interested in finding out about me... but, it made me even more intrigued. I wanted to know him... I wanted to get into his mind and find out what he was thinking. There was so much bottled in, I could just tell.

By the end of that first 15 minute walk from the parking lot to campus, I had pieced together small bits of information to figure out that he was probably about my same age. So, I asked him directly, "when's your birthday?"

"May 12," he said. "1978."

I couldn't believe it. "That's my birthday, too!"

We looked at each other with total shock. Born on exactly the same day. Marc told me later that he couldn't stop thinking about me that day and how cool it was to find out we shared the same birthday.

It was five days later that Dave broke up with me. I was devastated. Until I had an awakening... and recognized that the connection I had with Marc after one week was more than I had had with Dave after two months. That was Monday. The "real" beginning of our relationship.

(oooh, how do you like that cliff-hanger?)

Divinely Guided

I spent most of Saturday doing some major cleaning. Not the normal dishes, vacuuming, making the bed stuff (although, I did that stuff, too)... I'm talking about cleaning dark corners of the house - going through things that have been sitting in the less-used rooms of the house.

I discovered what appears to be Marc's own life-time supply of his necessities - shaving gel, deoderant, breath mints, pocket knives. If we ever are in an emergency and we can't go to a store for an extended period of time, Marc will smell great! And, if I'm desperate enough I'll smell just like him. Not that he smells bad! Just that I'll smell like a man. Oh well. I guess we need to make an inventory and keep track of what we really need when we go to the store!

So, anyway, it was in the middle of finding his "treasures" that I came across this little white card - smaller than a business card - with a quote on it. In Marc's handwriting it said this:

"I believe I am always divinely guided. I believe I will always take the right road. I believe that God will always make a way, even when there appears to be no way."

- Commander William Robert Anderson

(I had no idea who this guy was, but wikipedia tells me that William Anderson was a naval office and commander of the first submarine to successfully sail under the polar ice cap surrounding the North Pole. Pretty cool, huh?)

So, anyway, I had to re-read the quote for emphasis... and then I thought back to an experience from a couple of weeks ago. I was sitting in one of my classes when my teacher brought up the idea of life being "planned out" for us. I sat back, interested to hear what others would say about it. I was sure there would be others who have seen evidence of some greater plan coming together in their lives - whether they attribute it to their religious beliefs or to some belief in "destiny."

The only vocal people were the ones who thought such an idea was silly. I was left speechless... partly because I needed more time to think through things more clearly. While I don't believe in things being "predetermined," I do believe that there are things that can only come together with divine help and intervention.

I've thought a lot about my own life since that class discussion and tried to explain away the divinely guided moments of my life and count them simply as mere coincidence. No matter how hard I try to do it, I just can't. There are things I've seen come together in such miraculous ways, that there is no other explanation except that God had a hand in it coming together the way it did.

About a million experiences from my mission alone come to mind. Italy is a sacred place to me - a place where I first became aware of the Great Orchestrator of life. The stories I could share! Unbelievable stories... except they are true life experiences.

But, perhaps the divine help I'm most grateful for was finding Marc. It was six years ago this week that we first met. On Halloween night 2001, my roommate Julianna came home and said "Marc found out today that his dad passed away... if you see him, let him know you're thinking of him." To be honest, I didn't even know who Marc was or what he looked like, even though we'd been in the same ward at Church for over two months.

Then it was a week and a half later that the same roommate informed me of Marc being involved in a very serious car accident. At this point, I thought "Holy Cow! Where's this guy's break? Is his father's death not enough?" Then, I thought of my brothers... and I thought of how lonely they would be if they were going through the same awful things being surrounded only by male roommates, who sometimes don't know how to reach out to other men during emotional times. And, I decided I was going to change that.

So, I would seek out this "Marc" at Church the next day and offer my friendship to him... and here's where the story just begins...

...to be continued... :)