June Happenings

I keep getting so far behind in posting what's going on in our lives and even more what's going on within the figurative walls of my head and heart, that lately I've felt too overwhelmed to even know where to start. But, I've found that the less I release all these thoughts to fly away in the form of words, the more I feel like I've become a caged bird myself, flapping away and not getting anywhere at all. It's a frustrating place to be and I know myself well enough to know my greatest form of release is writing.

The summer has flown by and we've been so busy making lots of fun memories and accomplishing some important goals and milestones, so let's start there.

The Memories and Milestones of our summer include: a road trip to Utah (where I drove for 11 of the 14 hours since Marc had an injured eye), family reunion in the mountains of Heber City which provided the perfect amount of dirt for two boys and their cars, plus lots of time with Nana,

a visit with my childhood best friend Heidi and her girls and mom,

a half marathon down American Fork canyon with my brother Matt and sister Mandi, which we finished in 2:02:19 (or at least that was my time - my siblings just slightly ahead of me - don't tell them I let them beat me... haha!).

After returning home from our vacation I felt a renewed optimism and determination to conquer the potty training mountain and I will proudly claim victory, even though we're not quite there, since going #2 is still a struggle. But since it doesn't happen as often as going #1, I'd say we're like 75% there! Hooray! I'll take it!

Six weeks - where did they go?

I can't believe it has been so long since I've posted. Most of February was filled with fun activities - the first warm days of early Spring that got us outside for picnics, hikes, bike rides and running.

Lucy LOVED her first time on the swings!

Picnic at the lake and feeding the ducks.

It's so nice to live in an area that gets warm enough in February to take our lunch out back for a picnic just because it feels wrong to not be outside enjoying the warm sunshine.

Painting day!

The Ding Dong cake I made for Marc for Valentine's Day was so delicious!! (I altered the recipe a little just because I have a hard time following recipes.)

Then February went out with a bang. We all got a terrible case of the flu, all except Ben. It started with Hugh, then went to Marc and Lucy, then me, then back to Lucy. It was AWFUL. From start to finish, it lasted a little over a week, but then it seemed to take another week to recover from the sleep deprivation and the endless loads of laundry.

In the middle of all of the sickness, Lucy was teething, poor baby! But, I have to say I've never seen a happier sick baby. She'd throw up and then be giggling and want to play. She is such a sweetie.

For a couple of weeks I just felt so exhausted ALL THE TIME. I'm finally feeling semi-human again and that appears to be necessary for me to update my blog. But, I have to admit that the down time we were sort of forced to have was actually kind of nice. We had a couple of days where we all stayed in pajamas all day long and played and watched our new favorite movie - The Lorax. Sometimes it's nice to be forced to slow down.

Right in the middle of our bout with the flu I just had to vacuum. I needed to feel productive, I guess. So, here are my kids on one of our PJ days, cheering for me as I vacuum. It was so cute!

In other news, I'm starting the arduous task of potty training both boys. It is not easy!! I have one that is super willing but will sit on the potty chair for hours and barely get a drop out, and the other who can pee on demand but puts up a fight every single time. My assessment of that is that one is physically ready but not emotionally, while the other is emotionally ready but not physically. Or something like that. So, I'm not officially "Potty Training", but just helping them practice and get more comfortable with the idea. Which means I get them to sit on the potty chair at least once a day and I talk about it ALL THE TIME. One of these days I won't have three in diapers... and hopefully SOON!

And, just because this post hasn't already been long enough, and not nearly enough photos to satisfy the average reader, here are just a few more!

And, with that, I think we're all caught up! I would promise to get better and not ever do this again, but I know better than to make such a promise.

Beach Bums

We spent the entire week last week at the beach. Some friends of ours were unfortunate enough to have to go to Spain for two weeks, and we were fortunate enough to get to house-sit for them for one of their weeks away. My parents spent a couple of days with us, and since Marc had work projects for the first part of the week, he joined us mid-week.

The days we were there were gorgeous and absolutely perfect - blue skies, warm air, cool ocean breeze.

We played in the sand...

we chased seagulls...

we tried to tackle waves (which never worked out in our favor!)...

we explored all the fun stuff on the beach (Hugh tasted every last object he could get his hands on)...

The waves were inviting - in fact, a little too inviting for my two little boys. If ever there was a question of their fearlessness, it has since been washed away along with any hopes of my sanity past the age of three. Maybe four. Are boys just born without fear?

It was the perfect time to spend a week at the ocean, just after passing the twins' birthday, with my thoughts turned a little more tenderly toward feelings and emotions in my heart. There is no place like the ocean to process some of those feelings, as those waves seem to know all too well the ebb and flow of the heart's emotions.

And, as I watched my boys run full-speed toward those impressive waves, with determination and unmatched courage, I realized how much I have to learn from these little guys. It was so clear to observe that there is a joy that comes when life is embraced and faced head-on, lived like it's meant to be lived. I left the beach last week with a new perspective and renewed desire to live life a little more fully and to not be so afraid of life's ebb and flow.

Waves of Grief

Last night as I laid in bed, I leaned into Marc telling him how no matter how hard I tried all day to not think about it, I couldn't avoid the memories from three years ago.

July tenth was the day I went in for the laser surgery with Dr. Lee as the head surgeon. I was nervous going in. I was awake for the entire procedure. There was a sheet blocking my view of what was happening, but there was a nurse (or maybe it was a doctor?) standing above my head, reassuring me through it all. I just remember watching my blood pressure numbers changing every minute or so on the monitor next to me.

The surgery didn't last very long and right away the surgeons were optimistic. So were we. There was no room in my mind for the possibility of anything bad happening. It's strange to think back to the celebratory ice cream we ate in my hospital room after surgery. We were happy. We were hopeful. We were sure the worst was behind us.

I know it's normal to relive these memories and I'd choose to relive them rather than ignore them. But, even though it's a choice I choose, it doesn't get any easier.

It's like standing at the ocean's edge, looking off into the distance and seeing a very large wave forming. It's approaching with such great force that I can't help but to stand in awe and watch every movement as it grows in size and power. It's coming and I can see it coming and I actually want it to come. I'm bracing for the impact. It could easily sweep me away just as similar waves have done in the past, but it might not. Some waves look much worse from the distance, but lose some of their force before reaching shore.

I'm not really sure what to expect from this week, but I find myself wanting to experience it all in the most authentic and honest way possible. I've never been one to seek to over-dramatize my life, but I'm also not going to minimize the feelings that are connected to my sweet babies.

So, I'll be keeping my eye on that wave, while also taking in all the emotions and experiences that come lapping at my feet. I'll pause to snuggle and chase the two miracles that now fill my arms, embracing them a little bit tighter than usual. The waves will come and I'll let them wash over me, and then they'll go again.

And, I'll soak up the love and the joy that I feel knowing I have two little girls, perhaps a bit nearer to me this week, reliving it all again, too.

Road Trip Photos

How 'bout we start off with an awkward family photo? We seem to get a lot of those these days. Among other things, we need to work on all looking in the same direction, I guess.

Carson with Ben and Gemma with Hugh:

Ben sending Carson off to Brazil (in just a few more weeks!) with lots of cuddles:

Hugh and Brigitta saying good-bye:

Hugh doing his latest trick of pointing up at the "light":

Hugh had this thing with standing on Nana's rocking chair. Not just standing. Dancing! Crazy kid!

And, he thought it was so funny...

And thought he should stress me out just a bit more with some other tricks...

And, I can't quite tell what this expression says, but it's my typical serious-Hugh-look:

Here is some of the constant attention they were getting... I mean, who wouldn't love that?!

Ben found himself right at home with a car and a kitchen floor:

Hugh, after coming down the slide, the static making what little hair he has stand on end:

Playing at Nana's house was so much fun!

Bath time at Aunt Carol's:

Sunday morning photo opportunity:

Zac and Hugh, looking handsome:

Ben and Colton, showing off their striking blue eyes:

Both boys sleeping in the car - which actually happened more frequently than not, making our first road trip a rather pleasant one!