The Mixed Emotions of our Open Adoption

Today we were lucky to get a visit from Tracey and Grandma Kay to celebrate Ben's birthday (a little late). I'm always surprised at how much emotional energy goes into these get-togethers. Not in a bad way, of course. It's just that it's impossible to see them without having a flood of memories come racing back. Memories that hold so many mixed emotions. On most days I just enjoy the joy and wholeness I feel with Ben in our family. But, our open adoption reminds me of the sorrow and the sacrifice that produced my joy.

There are no words to describe how humbling it is to be the recipient of love in the form of a baby. That is a kind of love and sacrifice that leaves me speechless.

When we first jumped into adoption, there were a lot of unknowns. Like, the obvious, who would choose us and why would they choose us, and who was the baby that would come into our lives. But, one of the big ones was how would we navigate the unknown territory of an open adoption after placement. I remember initially being terrified at the idea of it. And, though I hate to admit it, it made me feel shamefully possessive. But, the more I heard others' stories and the benefits of open adoption, I knew there had to be more to it.

What I wasn't prepared for was how much our open adoption would open my heart in new ways. On most days, I forget that Ben was adopted. Not in the sense that I forget the way he came to us, but I don't look at him and think, "oh, he's adopted, so he'll be treated differently" or whatever. I just think, "he's my son and I love him the same as I love Hugh and Lucy." But, when we meet up with his birth family, I'm reminded all over again of his adoption. I'm reminded of the emptiness of my infertility, that was in large part healed the first time I held Ben in my arms. I'm reminded of the sorrow that likely came to Tracey because of her selfless choice. I know adoption wasn't her first choice, but there were circumstances out of her control that guided her to seek adoption, all because she loved her son so much she wanted to give him something she wasn't able to at the time.

Processing this full range of emotion is draining, but I'm grateful for the reminder of how much my heart can feel. I've come to realize it is a gift to feel so much, to be reminded of the sorrows that have been healed and the joys that have filled the empty cavity carved by pain. The greatest gift I can give to Ben is making sure he knows his roots and the incredible love that motivated Tracey to place him in our family. There aren't words to express that to him. We teach him that by showing him and letting his birth mother show him when we come together. Our open adoption is truly all about love.

Full day of (birthday) Fun

Late last night I was up making these treats for Ben to take to school for snack time. I thought about taking some over to my parents' house for them to have a snack on their weekly drive down to the temple, but it was late and I was too tired. As I was laying in bed I had this idea that if Lucy happened to wake up at 3:30am for her feeding, then I'd take her and we'd go to my parents' together, knowing they usually leave around 3:45. Ideas like that usually pop up when I'm feeling guilty about letting my laziness stop me from doing something.

Well, guess what time Lucy woke up. 3:33am. I laughed to myself, then hurried into my shoes, grabbed my phone and keys and a baggie of granola bites ready to go, picked up Lucy out of her crib and headed out into the dark, cold night. She was clearly confused as I was putting her into her car seat, patting my chest as if to try to communicate it was only milk she wanted. Then, when she realized it wasn't coming right away, she cried half the way to my parents house (which was probably less than 2 minutes). I was so excited to see the surprised look on their faces to find us both there in the middle of the night just to give them some treats to start their day.

You can imagine my utter disappointment when we pulled onto their street at 3:39 to find that their car was already gone. We missed them. And, now I made this pointless trip in the dark with my crying baby. It would have been so perfect.

We got back home and it took Lucy a little longer than usual to get settled again, but she eventually did and we both got a little more sleep. I was tired, though, when morning officially came and Marc was nice enough to let me get a little more sleep while he took care of breakfast duties.

I knew that once I got out of bed, the day ahead was going to be crazy busy and there'd be hardly a moment of down time.

Made bread, got everyone dressed, made lunch, took Ben to school, went to the store, put Lucy down for a nap, Hugh helped me get ahead on some dinner preparations, picked Ben up from school, went to another store, frosted a cake, made more dinner preparations, then finally it was time.

I got the kids in the car with the three helium balloons they had picked out from the second store and headed over to my parents. We were trying to get to their house before they returned from the temple. We were just barely too late, which I figured out as we passed them on their way to our house. So we turned around and went back. The kids were so excited to jump out and run to wish GG a happy birthday.

It was such a sweet moment! All three holding big balloons, running toward her as she's getting out of the car. "Happy Birthday, GG!!" It was a big one this year, so we planned a little surprise - a scavenger hunt that would take her all around town to significant places from the last so many years of raising her family. At each stop she got a clue and a note or gift from each one of her children. I had made arrangements with my siblings to send me whatever they wanted to give her... and got something from everyone. It was so fun to put together and even more fun to watch her response at each and every stop along the way!

My mom has done an amazing job raising the eight of us. I don't know how she did all she did. I hope she was able to recognize along the way how much we appreciate all that she's done and how much it is still blessing our lives. We've learned valuable lessons, gained valuable skills and talents because of her encouragement and insistence, and desired to make more of ourselves, because of her example.

We ended up back at my house, to a late dinner of chicken cordon bleu, rice, and roasted asparagus, followed by a delicious fruit pizza topped with fresh raspberries and blackberries. It was such a fun day! Ben kept saying it was his party and his birthday. Hugh sang the cutest version of Happy Birthday I've ever heard (and we got it on video, too!). Both boys loved helping to blow out the candles. Such a full day of fun!

Hugh turned 3!

Hugh had his third birthday over a month ago. We started the day with two of his favorite things - a fishing trip and doughnuts. He then spent a chunk of the day with Bapa and GG, while I had another commitment to take care of. In the afternoon we had a little party and Hugh finally got his long-awaited bulldozer birthday cake, which he had requested about six months in advance and never once changed his mind. I've never known such a decisive toddler.

I made his bulldozer cake the night before and hid it in the oven, hoping I could pull it out for a big reveal and capture the excitement on his face. It didn't even occur to me that he'd see it through the oven window, which is exactly what happened as soon as he came into the kitchen that morning. He was still just as excited about it later that afternoon when we brought it out, so it didn't really matter. He loved the cake, all of his new toys (excavator truck, fire truck, hot wheels, comic book, and these building block connector toys), and being the center of attention for the day!

Physically, Hugh is doing great! Thirty-five pounds and 39 inches tall, both in about the 70th percentile. And, as of this week, he is officially potty-trained. I should clarify - during the daytime and as long as he doesn't need to have a bowel movement. So... maybe not it isn't quite official YET... but we're working on it and he is doing so great!

Hugh is such a sweet boy! He is strong-willed. He is observant. He is sensitive. He is a fighter of fairness. He is a defender. He is faithful. He is so much like the Hugh he was named after, or what I'd imagine that Hugh to be like. One of these days I need to tell that story. I love his strong voice and his strong personality. I hope to be able to teach how to use those two things to do so much good in the world. And I hope I can be humble enough to learn all I can from him, as he has already started teaching me how to be a better version of myself. I love my little Hugh!

Mixed emotions

Every once in a while my birthday falls on Mother's Day. That happened this year. And, as most people know, Marc and I share the same birthday, so with that in mind and it also being Mother's Day, it was a pretty big day around here.

It feels very appropriate to me to celebrate the day I was born on the same day we honor our mothers. It's like a double celebration of my Mom and she deserves that, no doubt. For all who know her well, know how blessed and lucky I am to belong to her. And I am!

The whole weekend, though, felt a little overwhelming and kind of heavy. Like big, dark storm clouds hanging off in the distance. On Saturday there was a tragic drowning accident in our little town, to a family I know and a fellow young mother in our play group. She lost her little boy yesterday, just barely older than my two boys. It hits way too close to home. My heart felt like it broke in a million pieces when I first heard the news. There were a whole lot more tears at church today. It's just so heartbreaking and we're all in shock.

It seems that everyone is feeling a little more protective, a little more cautious, and a lot more grateful for even the crazy moments with our little ones. It's good to be reminded of what matters most in life, but it's hard that it sometimes takes such sad events to remind us. Life is so fragile and mortality is so unpredictable. Death can come to anyone at anytime for any number of reasons. We're just never ready for it to happen to someone so young, so fresh, so full of promise. And, it's humbling to realize no one is immune.

I've had a hard time processing this friend's loss. I can feel my defense mechanisms blocking my emotions to a certain extent, pulling me away from the strong pull of grief. I also fully recognize that my losses are totally different than this loss and it's just too painful to try to put myself in her shoes. It takes my breath away and makes my heart rate increase. It's awful even trying to imagine.

The other side, though, that brings me an incredible reassurance in the face of sorrow and pain is that there is a healing balm available that is equal to the wound. That is a beautiful, miraculous, merciful blessing provided by a very loving Father. No matter the tragedy, no matter the depth and the size of our wounds, there is healing that can be found. It is painful. It is hard and it will take time. But, it is possible to find... and as hard as that journey is and as unwelcome as the path appears, there are powerful experiences along the way.

I'm feeling so much more grateful tonight for my life, my family, my blessings. I just hope I can find ways to help lift the burdens of those who are mourning.

Three Years!

The week after Christmas was one of the craziest we've had and it's taken me a few weeks to bounce back. I've got quite a lot to catch up on. A birthday, a house of sickies, a big move, and a new house to get settled into. All of that happened in less than a week. Then, there was the fun of unpacking, shopping for a washer and dryer, taking a much-needed trip to see a dear friend (just Lucy and me), and then another week of sickies. To say I'm tired is an understatement.

As much as I dislike doing big recaps, the next few posts will be exactly that, starting with Ben's big day. So, here we go...

Ben is THREE! The morning started with Marc taking Ben to the store to buy birthday doughnuts and balloons. He was so excited! Unfortunately around mid-morning, and just before his birth family arrived for his party, he started to act lethargic and clearly didn't feel well. He ended up cuddling up in Marc's lap during most of the party, eating a few bites of pizza here and there. He really perked up, though, when it was cake time.

About a month before his birthday I showed him pictures of a dozen or so different cake ideas and let him pick the one he wanted. Right away he picked the Dump Truck. I was convinced that in his usual toddler fashion he'd change his mind a dozen times before his birthday, so I asked him about every other day. But, he remained consistent in his response every single time.

The day before his birthday he hurt his wrist somehow - we think he must have sprained or twisted it. After looking at it really closely and determining that it wasn't a serious injury, we wrapped it up in an ace bandage, which he thought was pretty cool... but it was still so sad to watch the way he just let his arm hang limply to his side.

We were so happy to have Tracey join us for Ben's birthday again this year. She came with her mom and her daughter, Taylor. This was the first time for Ben to meet Taylor (besides just after he was born) and it was fun to watch them play and interact together. We also had my brother, Jamie, and his family in town and they were with us for Ben's party, too.

Soon after the party was over and everyone had left, we all crashed and slept the afternoon away. Ben ended up throwing up later in the day, reminiscent of how his first birthday ended... hopefully this won't become tradition. Poor kid.

Overall, it was a fun day and Ben seemed to enjoy having all the attention on him. He is such a sweet boy - so creative, so adventurous, so hilarious, so tender to the core. We love him more and more and more. It's impossible to even consider what our family would be like or what the dynamics would look like without him.

A week of birthdays

At my prenatal appointment last Friday the midwife made a comment about my weight gain being a little higher than what it usually is between my appointments. My excuse? Four birthdays in five days. I think that's a pretty good excuse. Marc and I had ours, then three days later was my dad's, then two days after his was Hugh's #2. And, actually, I just made one cake for Marc and me to share. Maybe next year we'll have our cake be whatever Hugh has for his cake. It is kind of a lot of cake and ice cream crammed into a short few days. Or figure out some other celebratory treat. Like, maybe this.

Here's the triple-layered chocolate cake with a Nutella-based frosting that I made for Marc and me. Notice the little hands trying to reach for the cake...

Just a few minutes later, after I had left the kitchen, thinking I had pushed the cake far enough away from the edge for those little reaching fingers. Our clue that something was up? Ben appeared from around the kitchen counter, with fingers in mouth and eyes glittering with pride/joy/mischief. I was just grateful he didn't pull the entire cake down to the floor. Funny boy!

I didn't get any photos of it, but we made mini Nutella cheesecakes for his birthday. For as active and energetic as he is, it was really hard to grasp that this birthday was his 75th. If I didn't know better, I'd guess he was at least ten years younger.

For the last few months I've been showing Hugh, the lover of trains, this picture of a Thomas cake that I found on some website a while back. (Wish I could remember where to give proper credit.)

I had decided it'd be fun to make it into an ice cream cake. The one thing I failed to take into consideration was the time limits for decorating an ice cream cake, without having it melt into a runny mess. It didn't help at all that as I was doing the first stage of layering the cake and ice cream, then rushing it into the freezer that the freezer would decide to not turn on for more than 20 minutes. I turned the temperature down to its very coldest, but nothing would budge that darn freezer to blow its freezing air onto my Thomas masterpiece. In that time, Hugh's poor cake was turning into a very sorry-looking sight.

It was all very sad and I felt incredibly disappointed at my inability to take the perfect cake from my imagination and turn into the perfect cake for my newest two-year old. But, I laughed it off and just felt relief that Hugh is too young to care and would love it in all of its ugliness. The good news is he blew out his two candles with perfect precision and was clearly pleased with his efforts!

I love this photo of Hugh, with his little hand ready to catch any cake or ice cream that might fall off his spoon.

The funniest part of Hugh's birthday was while we were eating his cake. Both boys were so busy eating that neither was really aware of the mess that blue frosting was making on their hands and faces. At one point, Hugh looked up at Ben and saw this:

Then, with a giggle, Hugh said, "Ben's face!" and then laughed some more.

What made it particularly funny was that Hugh had no idea he looked as ridiculous as Ben. So, Marc took a photo of Hugh's face and then showed him the photo. Realization is starting to sink in.

After having ice cream cake, we took the boys outside for birthday gifts - tricycles and lawnmowers. We got them each their own, to eliminate as much discontent as possible between the two boys.

A big happy birthday to my little Hugh! He is such a spunky little guy, with enviable dance moves and the most adorable raspy voice. He brings a contagious joy to our family and I feel so blessed and lucky to be his Mama.

The Latest

I can't believe three weeks have passed since I last updated. My time has been consumed by a few different things that have required more of my full attention during my few moments of down-time.

There was preparing (and stressing over) a talk I gave at a women's conference for church about a week ago. While I definitely learned a lot and gained some new perspectives from my studying and preparations, I'm so relieved it's now behind me. Thankfully the nightmares of showing up without a talk prepared have also ended, too!

Then, there's the car-searching. Marc jokingly commented today that I've roughly spent $2000 worth of my time in searching for our next car. Not sure where that figure comes from exactly, but I think I have to agree! We've been really close to sealing the deal with three different cars and three different sellers, but for one reason or another all three have fallen through.

The most recent was just this weekend. And, it was the closest we've been to finalizing everything. We found a car we really liked and we got the price down to something we felt more comfortable with. We got a loan approved and got all the other necessary paperwork prepared from our credit union to take with us to the dealer yesterday. As of Friday night at 10:30pm we were all set to have our new car home with us the next day.

Then, just before coming to bed Marc did some searching online about the most common complaints/problems with the specific year of the car we were about to buy and found that the number one problem was a very expensive one (like $7000 expensive) and one that, according to other owners' experiences, could possibly happen with this particular car within the next three thousand miles.

Our discussion led to other concerns about the car in general and its ability to meet our family's needs, lasting until sometime around midnight-thirty. In the end we decided we didn't feel good about buying the specific car we were set to buy, nor about buying that make/model of car in general. So, the search has started over from step one, but we feel so much better about the direction we're headed in and feel like we gained some real clarity from our almost-buy. I'm just hoping the real deal will happen in the next few weeks, so the nightmares will cease of not having a car big enough to bring my baby home from the hospital.

Since we had made plans to have my parents watch our boys yesterday while we bought our car, we decided to keep that in the plans and spend the morning together. It kind of just happened to work out nicely that it was also our birthday. We drove an hour away to the next biggest city where we visited a friend in the hospital, enjoyed some retail therapy at some of our favorite stores, and found a cute little Italian place that served us some of the best pizza we've had in a while.

And, if that doesn't sound like the perfect way to spend a birthday, it gets even better. We ended the day with dinner out with my parents, where the boys thought we had possibly died and gone to food heaven. Ben was so thrilled to have his pick of eating whatever he wanted off any of the plates sitting in front of him, while Hugh couldn't get enough of my pasta and Marc's fries.

With over-stuffed tummies we still ended the night with a three-layered chocolate cake with a nutella-based frosting that I made the night before. Although, between the six of us, we barely ate the equivalent of a single slice, which means lots of cake for tonight and the next few nights to come!

All of that to say, life is busy. Life is good. And, life will be even better when we have our new family-sized car found and bought and ready to hold three precious bundles of joy we get to call our children.

Ben turned TWO!

Yeah, I know that was over two months ago. I think I mentioned that on the day of his actual birthday we went out to ice cream and gave him just a couple of his gifts because we wanted to save the big stuff for his big party on a day that his birth mother could make it up. Well, that party happened at the end of January, but since I failed to get the photos off the camera right away, I kept forgetting to post about his big celebration.

After seeing an Elmo cake that a friend made for her daughter, I knew that would be the perfect cake for Ben. For weeks leading up to his party, I'd show him a picture of the cake and tell him that I'd make him his own Elmo cake. Whether or not he fully understood, the excitement would show all over his face. And, the moment he saw his cake for the first time was awesome! The biggest smile I've ever seen... it made me so happy!

I wasn't sure if he'd actually eat the cake since he wasn't interested in his cake at all on his first birthday, but he dug right in and ate every last bite. As did Hugh! So messy and so fun!

It was so great to have Tracey and her mom there for the party. I know someday that will mean a lot to Ben and I'm grateful for their willingness to make the sacrifice to be apart of big days like this with us.

What a happy two years it has been with our sweet, blue-eyed Benjamin! I cannot imagine life without him and feel so incredibly lucky to be his mother. He is such a joy and we are truly blessed!

Vacation and catching up

Okay, I just had to peek in here really quick to show I'm still alive. I can't believe January is almost half over and I still feel like I'm recovering from the excitement of the holidays. So much fun and so much crazy all bundled up together! At some point I'll have to fill in some of the blank spaces with some stories and some photos, maybe even a few videos, but here's a tiny glimpse of what the last few weeks have been like.

Two days after Christmas we celebrated Benjamin's second birthday with a few fun presents and trip to Baskin Robbins, where he had his first ice cream cone and LOVED it! We're still planning to have a party with a few more presents and cake and a visit with his birth mother... hopefully sometime later this month.

Then, the very next day we hopped in the car at 4:27am and drove for nearly 13 hours (with a few stops for food and playtime and diaper changes), until we arrived at Marc's sister's house. We lounged, ate delicious food (all day long!), soaked up good conversation and enjoyed the musical talents of their whole family, complete with us all singing around the piano. The boys were in heaven with so many new rooms to explore, with ornaments and decorations at their fingertips, unfortunately resulting in some casualties. Otherwise the visit couldn't have been more perfect!

We continued further north for a few more days of vacation, spent with Nana and most of the rest of Marc's family. The boys had so much fun running around, becoming acquainted with everyone! Even though the boys get a little thrown off their sleep schedule and feel a little disoriented with new places, it's always so much fun to get away. We kicked our feet up and enjoyed every moment with family!

Of course, time always flies and before we knew it we were piling back into our car at 4:25am one dark cold morning, heading back home. It was another long day, nearly fourteen hours, with a few stops for food, playtime, and diaper changes. BUT, driving both ways, the boys did GREAT! We were amazed at how easily entertained they were, at how easily they slept when they were tired, at how little they fought getting back into their car seats after a quick stop, and how few their moments were of discontent. We did make sure to plan our stops so that they weren't more than four hours apart, as well as making the stops last at least 30-45 minutes long, which I think made all the difference. I think we stopped three times coming and going, which wasn't too bad at all.

Almost as soon as we got home, though, we all got sick. Ben got it the worst. Fever, cough, congestion, swollen lymph nodes... all making him completely listless for about three days. It's so unlike him to sit and want to be cuddled for hours and hours. I tried to forget about everything else screaming at me to get done, and just focus on spending that time with my sick little guy. Luckily he's doing a lot better this week and so far Hugh hasn't gotten whatever it was that Ben had (fingers crossed, still!).

And, that, more or less, brings us to today, which was the first day in a long time that I felt like I was finally starting to get a better handle on the other chaos of life - paying bills, doing laundry, cleaning the toilets (although that huge credit goes completely to Marc!), vacuuming, and general de-cluttering. I always sleep better with a clean house, so I'm really looking forward to my sleep tonight.

Oh, and I almost forgot... pregnancy-wise all is going well. That statement, actually, pretty well sums up this pregnancy. I keep forgetting that I'm even pregnant, despite all the time I've spent heaving into the toilet and the bump that seems to have doubled in size in the last week. A miracle of all miracles, for two weeks after Christmas I didn't throw up at all, meaning our entire vacation was joyfully vomit-free. Then, last Sunday, I threw up three times. Still not sure what that was all about. But, nothing since. So, maybe we're in the clear, but maybe not?? Fifteen weeks along and feeling like the next 25 are going to fly by just as fast, especially if I keep forgetting that I'm pregnant.

Looking forward

This week, with all of its extreme ups and downs, I'm actually really glad tomorrow is Monday.

But, first off, I have good news - Hugh's bruises from his accident last Sunday are completely gone. Although he does have some new ones, but luckily not any nearly as frightful. He hasn't slowed down a bit this week and I'm so relieved.

I was a little surprised, though, by how much Hugh's little collision with our end table on Mother's Day seemed to cause bruises on my heart. I couldn't look at him without feeling like I was looking at the poorest reflection of myself. And, while Hugh's bruises healed with amazing speed, I kept poking at mine. After an exhausting Tuesday, I came across this quote on my niece's blog:

"Occasionally discouragement may darken our pathway; frustration may be a constant companion. In our ears there may sound the sophistry of Satan as he whispers, "You cannot save the world; your small efforts are meaningless. You haven't time to be concerned for others.' Trusting in the Lord, let us turn our heads from such falsehoods and make certain our feet are firmly planted in the path of service and our hearts and souls dedicated to follow the example of the Lord. In moments when the light of resolution dims and when the heart grows faint, we can take comfort from His promise: 'Be not weary in well-doing . . . Out of small things proceedeth that which is great. Behold, the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind."

- Thomas S. Monson

As I read it, the burdens I'd been carrying suddenly felt noticeably less heavy. And, I was reminded that these days, even with the bumps along the way, are the most sacred days of my life. And, even when I get overwhelmed by discouragement or inadequacy, I know I can ultimately decide how much I allow those feeling to linger. Plus, I'm guessing that life with boys is going to be full of accidents and stunts that won't end well. While I will do my best to protect and keep them safe, maybe what's even more important is how I respond when they fall.

***

The week got progressively better and since Thursday we've been eating this:

Marc requested yellow cake with chocolate frosting for his birthday cake. I had been eying my choice - Banana Split ice cream cake - for at least six months (during the period I was going dairy-free and craving ice cream like a true addict with insane withdrawals).

We ended the week with a visit from my dear friend Sarah and her son Noah, and the return of my parents (from their month-long hiatus) just in time for my Dad's birthday today, which also brought my sister and her two little ones, too. With visitors like that, only good things to come this week.

Backtracking - Benjamin's birthday

Back in Decemeber when I posted about Benjamin's first birthday, I meant to come back later and add photos, but then the battery died and I couldn't retrieve the photos. So, even though it's almost two months later, here are the photos.

I made a snake cake. I got the idea from my friend Becky, who makes the most amazing cakes. After looking through photos of some of her cakes, I chose this one that seemed simple enough for a non-cake maker, like myself, and one that wouldn't be too hard to not mess up. Still, my snake didn't turn out nearly as awesome as hers. BUT, I was pretty happy at my attempt to something more than a 9x13.

If you recall, Benjamin wasn't into eating the cake. Instead, he grabbed fist-fulls and squished the cake through his fingers. But, he was loving the ice cream - definitely a Mama's boy!

One of his favorite toys of the day - the air ball popper. His birth mother, Tracey, and his birth grandmother gave it to him. Ben and Hugh both get excited when we turn it on and play with it. They love it!

I loved capturing these moments between Benjamin and Tracey. Even though he's only a year old, I get the feeling that deep within him there is an understanding of who Tracey is and how he came to us. I'm so grateful for our open adoption, for the relationship we have with Tracey. I know there must be some bitter-sweet feelings that come with participating in big events like this with us. She continues to amaze me with her ability to continue to put her love for Benjamin ahead of her own conflicting emotions. Benjamin will never doubt how much he is loved by his birth family.

One

My baby boy is one year old. I can't believe how fast this year has gone by. I remember getting the phone call in the middle of the night - it was Tracey letting us know that little Benjamin had arrived, two weeks early. I made phone calls myself once morning had come and couldn't hold back the tears of joy and gratitude. 

Ben's big day was a fun one. He was a bit overwhelmed by all the people who came to celebrate with us - Grandma & Grandpa, Aunt Dawnie, Uncle John, six cousins, his birth mother and birth grandmother.

I made him a snake cake that he really enjoyed squeezing through his fingers but refused to eat. Just like his Mama, he preferred to have ice cream instead. (Pictures to come later.)

He received some pretty cool presents that made his eyes light up and kept him busy for the rest of the day - a Toy Story push & ride car, a busy ball popper (the non-pink version, though), a toy with musical buttons that light up, a Barney movie, a book, and an adventure play tent and tunnel tube. His toy selection has double in the last two days.

Some things that make up Benjamin's personality - 

 - he's a brave little soul (aka: a bit of a daredevil) - climbing on things, pulling himself out of things

 - he uses his pacifier as a chew toy

 - he's already kicking balls, like a little soccer player in training

 - he would much rather be running around than sitting still

 - he's very affectionate when you sing to him (or, lately, if you ring these particular wind chimes at my parents' house) and has started giving kisses

 - he's very observant and often tries to figure out how things work

 - he'll notice his shadow on the floor and do a little dance with it, trying to catch it

 - he's becoming very independent

To say that Benjamin is a joy wouldn't even come close to describing how we feel about having him in our family. He adds light and love to our life. I can't even remember what life was like without him. We feel so blessed and humbled to be the ones chosen to raise him. I feel like I can finally rest easy, knowing we have found our boy that was trying to make it to our family. We love him so much.

THIRTY!!!

Today is the day that both Marc and I were born. I can't remember for sure, but we looked it up once, and it seems like I was born around 1:30pm and Marc was born around 3:50pm. Yes, I married a younger man. That two hours and twenty minutes is huge!

We are celebrating the BIG 3-0 this year! How awesome is that?! I'm totally thrilled about the thirties. Seeing as life just keeps getting better and better, I just know really great things lie ahead and I can't wait.

So, anyway, I just wanted to take a moment to spotlight My Sweet One. To be honest, I don't think I understood exactly what I was in for when I agreed to marry him. I mean, I knew it would be good... I just didn't realize how AWESOME life would be with him. Seriously, I have it so good.

Let me start off by saying that over the last month I have thrown up more times than the rest of my life put together. And, when I'm not throwing up, I'm curled up on the couch trying to keep myself from throwing up. As a result, my help around the house with daily things has been greatly limited. Marc has done SO MUCH to help keep us alive. On top of his already busy schedule of work and bishopric duties, he's been doing the grocery shopping, the cooking (or sometimes "warming in the microwave"), the dish-washing, the back-rubbing... and, most wonderful of all? He's been covering my 6am early morning seminary class for me. He has been so wonderful in every way. I am so blessed!!

And, then on top of all of that, the cutest thing happened the other evening. I was in my usual curled position on the couch when the doorbell rang. Marc was in his office working. He answered the door to find three young kids, asking for donations for Little League. Two girls and a younger boy. So, he grabbed the only cash we had on hand and gave it to them. They left and he went back to his office. Well, a few minutes later I hear him rushing out the front screen door. Thirty seconds later he comes in and in the most concerned voice says, "where are the bandaids and neosporin?" I was confused and asked what happened. Well, turns out that all the way from back in his office he could hear someone crying, so he went out to see what was going on. The Little League boy had apparently stabbed himself with a pen and according to Marc, "no one was even helping him." It was SO sweet, as I watched Marc bandage up this little boy. He must have done it just right, because in perfect little boy fashion, the tears immediately stopped the moment the bandaid was in place. I can't wait to watch him naturally assume the role of father. He is going to be so great!

And, I can't talk about Marc without mentioning how HILARIOUS he is. He can be sitting in a room with people aging from 14 to 84 and say something that has everyone laughing. Now, that's talent. He just has a great sense of humor and can turn any tense situation around until people are laughing. It used to frustrate me when I needed to have a good heated discussion about some important topic, and I never could under his charm and wit. I love that about him. Life is never dull with him!

There is so much that I love about him. Like the fact that he is totally fine with the half of a "Mother's Day" carrot cake someone brought over for us yesterday counting as our birthday cake this year. And, that since I don't dare eat out in public right now we'll probably be eating crackers and ginger ale for our special birthday meal.

BUT, I promise that in a couple of weeks (when the vomiting has hopefully stopped) we will have a REAL celebration of our big 30th birthday! I love you, Marc! Happy Birthday!

Happy, Happy Birthday...

Just wanted to say Happy Birthday to Carrot Jello...her posts always brighten our day and she has done a *lot* to help others find their way to our blog. We think she's awesome =)

-Marc

Twenty-nine years ago...

...on May 12th, at about 1:30pm, a little girl was born in a small hospital in Northern California. Two hours later, two states away, in Washington, a little boy was born. It seems to have been destiny that orchestrated the crossing of their paths, after 23 and a half years of separation.

Fast forward to November 2001. It was the first or second day that we were carpooling to school... I was trying to be sneaky in finding out how old Marc was. I had pieced together little bits of information, like when he left on his mission and how close he was to graduating. I had figured that we were probably born in the same year, maybe within a couple of months of each other. The converstation went something like this:

Me: so, you must have been born in 1978?
Marc: yeah, in May.
Me: no way, what day?
Marc: the 12th.
Me: no way! (I was completely speechless, thinking "he found out somehow when my birthday is and he's playing around with me.")
Marc: what's the matter?
Me: I just can't believe it... I was born on May 12th, same year! (still wondering if he's pulling my leg)

This time Marc was speechless, wondering if I was the one playing a joke on him. But, as it turned out, neither of us were joking. We were actually born on the same day. We like to think that we were waiting in heaven together, not wanting to be separated at birth. Fortunately that separation came to an end when we found each other at BYU.

It was a little weird to get used to sharing our birthdays... the first year we celebrated together, we tried to divide up the day - the first half of the day was my birthday, the second half was his birthday. Maybe you can imagine how that turned out. If you can't, then suffice it to say that we never did it that way again. Now, we just treat it almost like our anniversary: we pamper each other all day long - eating out for dinner, little surprises throughout the day, and exchanging gifts.

Today we ran some errands together, and then went to see Spiderman 3 at the theater. For dinner we got take out from one of our favorite Mexican restaurants, Angel's. Marc had flautas and I had a vegetarian burrito. Mmmmm... very yummy.

It was a wonderful day! Happy 29th birthday to us!

Oh, and our "cake" this year was a Boston Cream Pie.

- Megan