Seven years...

"...went under the bridge, like time was standing still... ." Gotta love this song from the 80's.

Seven years ago, two lives merged into one. Sacred promises were made. Our family unit was formed.

I was so clueless.

As a naive 24-year old I know I didn't fully appreciate the meaning behind our marriage covenants. Looking through a window of pain this last year has revealed a clearer perspective and a much deeper appreciation for the sacred events of that day, seven years ago. This year, especially, I've felt comforted with the assurance of relationships bound, here and there.  

I've been reflective this week, thinking about something we were told last year by my doctor, after we lost our girls. Eighty percent of couples that experience losing a child will end up getting divorced.

Eighty percent. Sobering. Sad.

In those early months, though, I definitely understood why. Grief is experienced and expressed in such different ways. It's confusing to face the chaos in one's own heart, making it totally overwhelming to then try to make sense of the unspoken chaos weighing down the love you share your life with. I took her words as a sort of warning. It put me on guard, determining to do my part in defending my marriage from the negative effects of grief. 

Last year as we marked our sixth anniversary, for the most part the day felt dreary and heavy. No matter how I looked at it, all I could see was the representation of six years of heartache, disappointment, pain. 

Today was different. Today we celebrated. We survived a very difficult year. Together. We are stronger, we are closer. And, that is something to celebrate. We ate warm, homemade peach pie, ala mode. We beat the odds. But, just because we made it through a really hard year (and the six before that) doesn't mean by any means that the fight is over. While I know good things lie ahead, I'm also aware of probable mountains yet to climb. Through the peaks and valleys of life, I feel inexpressibly grateful to have Marc by my side.