Hurdles and Angels

We've cleared what feels like the first big hurdle - four weeks.

This week started off okay, and then got progressively harder until it peaked last night. I was sitting in our backyard reading a book, trying so hard to distract myself from the fact that it had been four weeks since we shared our brief moments with Elliana and Emmaline. The harder I tried to avoid the memories from that day, the more heavy the burden became. So many emotions surfaced and I found myself quietly sobbing.

Those sobs reflected sadness at experiences that have been delayed, an aching to be with my girls just one more time, and a fear of not being able to make it through the coming days and weeks. In those intensely painful moments, the road ahead seems impossibly steep and long. Hence, the wisdom in following the good advice to take just a moment at a time becomes a powerful coping tool.

I'm grateful for the comforting words from a friend last night, that gave me strength and courage to hang on, and the assurance that the road ahead isn't impossible to travel since she's already much further ahead of me in getting through it. She has been a blessing in my life, an angel.

And, the truth is we have been surrounded by angels on every side. Last night I had a dream that I had collapsed from carrying a load that was too much for me to handle. (I've had some bizarre dreams lately, but this one wasn't too hard to figure out!) While laying on the ground, I became aware of "angels" lifting things off me, so that I could get up again. I wasn't aware of who they were, but just very aware of their love and concern.

This morning I awoke feeling "light". The burden that had followed me to bed last night was no longer weighing me down. I know that we've survived the last four weeks, in large part, to the angels in our life, who have so lovingly helped carry our burdens. Heaven has sent us angels in so many forms in the last month. I have felt like we have been abundantly blessed with this promise in the scriptures: "I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up."

My sister shared this song with me the other day... and, I must say that for a pop song, it has a rather profound message:

Sometimes I feel like I don't belong anywhere.
And it's gonna take so long for me to get to somewhere.
Sometimes I feel so heavy hearted, but I can't explain cuz I'm so guarded.
But that's a lonely road to travel, and a heavy load to bear.
And it's a long, long way to heaven but I gotta get there.
Can you send an angel?
Can you send me an angel to guide me.