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Friday, August 1, 2008

Finding Peace

As of yesterday, all of our family members have returned home.

The numbness is starting to wear off, the reality of everything that has happened is sinking in.

Today is the five year mark of our first miscarriage. Time really has healed the pain from that, but with everything that has happened in the last few weeks, I'm just reminded of the long journey we've had, and fearing how much longer and harder it's still going to be.

I'm learning to allow myself to feel every emotion that comes, validate each thought and feeling, and even find some element of joy in the sorrow. We've been reminded that sorrow is a by-product of love. If we didn't love, we wouldn't be sad. The last five months were full of greater joy than we have ever experienced, anticipating the arrival of our two beautiful girls. So, yes, we do grieve our separation from them. The pain and heartache are real. 

Gratefully, the peace and healing we've found are also very real. 

We have found peace in each other. Lately we've hugged a little tighter and held on a little longer. Our time together is precious. Our priorities have changed. 

We've found peace in the temple. There is such powerful healing there.

We've found peace at the cemetery. It's a comfort to have a place to go to remember our girls, and to know where they are, both physically and spiritually.

We've found peace in quiet moments of study and reading.

We've found peace in writing. The process of putting feelings into words is therapeutic.

We've found peace in laughter.

We've found peace in music.

We will continue to feel pain, and we will continue to find peace and healing in the midst of that pain. One of my favorite titles for the Savior has always been "The Prince of Peace"... and I feel that even more now. In all these places where we've found peace, it is Christ who is the true source of that peace we've found. 

John 14:27 -  Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

John 16:33 -  These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

Phillipians 4:7 - And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Alma 38:8 - I did cry unto him and I did find peace to my soul.

Doctrine & Covenants 19:23 - Learn of me, and listen to my words; walk in the meekness of my Spirit, and you shall have peace in me.


Allred Mom said...

Marc & Megan,
I hope that you continue to feel the peace and comfort in the many ways you have found to help you heal from your sorrow. Your visiting family members may be gone, but you have so many friends who are close that are willing to help in any way they can. We love you!

Amy said...

Your courage and faith always touch me. Thank you for sharing your beautiful words and your testimony of life and love. You're very dear to me, Megan, and my heart aches for you. There's so much love pouring in - from miles and miles away and from people you've never met - and so many people would take this burden away if they could. I know that your special spirit has touched so many lives. As always, you're in my thoughts and prayers, With love, Amy

Jamie B said...

You guys are both so amazing to me. You are filled with so much wisdom and strength. You are making all of us stronger by sharing your powerful testimonies with us. Thank you for being so open and honest. You have been in my prayers for weeks and will continue to be.

Deetsgirl said...

Continue to let yourselves FEEL everything. My best friend told me that you are entitled to feel everything very deeply for as long as you want. It reminds us that we are still living and that God is still with us ALWAYS. I am continuing to pray for both of you, although we have never met.