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Friday, June 15, 2012

Keeping perspective

I don't know if I'm remembering the final weeks of my pregnancy with Hugh wrong or if I really am a whole lot bigger and rounder than I was with him. At this point I'm on track to gain the same amount that I gained while pregnant with him, but it seems like the clothes I was wearing in the final weeks with him are barely covering my belly at this point... and I still have three weeks left (give or take). It's making me feel pretty self-conscious and I've started to like the idea of disappearing to some private location for the final weeks, where I don't have to listen to all the unwanted comments about my size and how very pregnant I look. Wouldn't that be nice?

But, really, as uncomfortable as these final weeks can be, I'm trying to just enjoy these final moments of special bonding that only she and I will share. I was really grateful for a random moment at the grocery store last week that put things back into perspective for me. I was picking out a watermelon when another young-ish mother came over for some watermelon-picking herself with a young toddler in her cart. I'd been feeling very large and somewhat uncomfortable and dreading how much worse it's going to get in the next few weeks, seriously questioning how my belly can possibly get any bigger. She turned to me and said something along the lines of "I sure miss feeling like I was carrying a watermelon." I kind of laughed, thinking she was being a bit sarcastic. But, then in our brief exchange I realized she was being completely sincere.

As I walked away I was reminded of how special and miraculous the whole process is and how deeply grateful I am to have been blessed with this most incredible blessing. Not to mention how much I dreamt and hoped for the chance to be largely and uncomfortably pregnant not too long ago, honestly not knowing if it'd ever be something I'd get to experience. I'm hoping to keep that perspective in these final weeks and allow my wonder and awe at every movement and hiccup to keep any discomfort from distracting me from the beauty of it all.

I am so excited for those first moments with my baby girl when I'll find that familiar feeling of just knowing we've known each other all along. It's the same feeling I felt with each of our children and it always leaves me feeling so overwhelmed with love, for them and for an incredibly merciful Father in heaven who has blessed me beyond measure.


Mama Birth said...

You are awesome! Oh- I gave a maternity dress you can borrow. There may or may not be a stain on it. But it is comfortable!n

Kelly said...

I've been thinking about you. I've been thinking that you're probably enjoying the respite from the hot weather.

And I'm sorry if I've made any of those comments that you dread so much (my, you're looking large!). :-) You look adorable and pregnant woman are a joy to see. Of course you feel like a whale, right about now. Misery, I know!

I don't miss being uncomfortable, but there is such a wonderful feeling in knowing that you are carrying a child of God in your body.

As for feeling larger, I do think we GET larger even if we don't gain more weight. I think our bodies expand more easily. So you're not imagining it!

Best of luck for a successful, joy-filled birth experience and a healthy baby girl! I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as your time draws closer.