Now that the nightmares of car buying have ended, my dreams are mostly dominated by scenes of birth and all the possible scenarios that could come this time around. For those of you who have been around for the last few years, you know we haven't had the smoothest rides when it comes to our babies being born. And, while in my waking hours I don't feel like I'm feeling a lot of fear or worry about what's to come, I know deep in my subconscious there are fears and worries lurking there.
I'd dare to say that between all that happened with the twins and then with Hugh, we've faced a lot of our worst-case scenarios (although I hesitate to say that, afraid it'll only dare fate to show us some new worst-case scenario I haven't yet considered). In some ways I think we're able to approach this time around with less fears about everything that could go wrong. Partly because we know that no matter what happens we'll find a way to get through anything that might possibly go wrong. And, partly because we've learned from experience that sometimes, no matter how hard you try to be prepared and try to make all the right choices, just sometimes the final outcome is completely out of your control.
Hours after Hugh was born via emergency cesarean and would soon be transported to a hospital two hours away to be treated for his severe case of MAS, I told Marc I was done. If every birth of our children was going to come with some form of drama and/or trauma, I didn't want to do it ever again. And I was serious.
Discovering in early November that we were expecting another baby came with it the uncovering of a lot of emotional scars I didn't feel quite ready to face. Since then I feel like I've confronted a lot of my fears and worries, but I can't deny there are still some lingering. I think they mostly stem from the unknown.
Right away I knew I wanted to try for a VBAC with this birth. I found a great doctor and group of midwives that have been super supportive of my desires and I feel very comfortable in their care. I've also done tons of reading about VBAC, hoping others' stories and experiences will be helpful in preparing me, and mostly just to try to replace any feelings of doubt with confidence and optimism.
And, it just made me wonder if there are any of my readers out there who have had their own VBAC experience and what kind of advice you might have to offer. If so, please share!