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Saturday, January 30, 2010

Our Adoption Story - First Contact

* Marc and Benjamin, taken 1/29/10

Telling this story is far, far overdue. Marc is snuggled deep in the couch with Benjamin and since I have both my hands free I decided to use this time to fill in the details of our adoption story. Well, at least what I can get in before my hands are needed to do a more important work.

After we lost our twins we had decided we weren't ready to jump back into adoption or start trying to conceive on our own again. Emotionally we needed time to heal. Even though we weren't sure exactly how much time we would need, we did feel very strongly that we would know when the time was right and what the right direction would be.

Throughout the summer, Jean, our LDSFS case worker, contacted us three different times about some unique adoption situations that she was aware of and wondered if we'd be interested in. We were open to each one, but none of them ended up working out.  

Then, on August 31st, around noon, we received this email from Jean:


I’ve got a birth mother who is interested in knowing more about you. Do I have your permission to give her your email address? Her name is Tracey and she’s due January 11, 2010. She’s read a hard copy of your BP letter and pictures. Sounds like we may need to schedule a home visit to update your home study.


It sounded a bit more promising than the other situations she had contacted us about, but we were still a little hesitant to get too excited. Still, for the rest of the afternoon I was just about glued to my laptop, checking my email at least every half hour. Finally after six or so hours of that, and feeling like I might go crazy, we got ourselves out of the house to run a few errands. When we got back home, we were so relieved to find an email in our inbox.

An email from Tracey.

I would so love to share the entirety of that email, but this is one of those situations where I feel there are certain details that are meant to be kept sacred. But, I will share the very first paragraph, which was so direct that it took us totally off guard.

Hi Marc and Megan,

It's a pleasure to be able to talk to you. Thank you for that. I wanted to be the one to personally tell you that I have chosen you to be the adoptive parents of my baby. I really wanted to do this over the phone, but email will work. I would like to tell you about my experience and how I came to choose you. So bear with me. 

With most other contacts we'd had with birth mothers, the decision (especially in the beginning) never felt certain and we were often left feeling like we had to compete with other couples and try to prove ourselves. But, reading Tracey's opening paragraph literally took my breath away. And, since I was reading the email out loud for Marc, I had to pause multiple times to catch my breath and keep the lump forming in my throat from bursting. 

From that very first contact, there was a different feeling about Tracey and a different feeling about the baby that was soon on his way. And, that different feeling gave us a calm assurance that melted away our fears and doubts. It's amazing, really, the immediate bond of love we felt for Tracey even before meeting her in person and the bond of love we felt for Benjamin before he entered the world. 

Since that first email in August I've felt this certainty again and again that our first contact with Tracey was actually a reconnection of paths and relationships that had their beginning long, long ago. I'm convinced that our (re)connection with her was divinely guided, all because of a special little boy named Benjamin. 


Allred Mom said...

Love the picture of Marc and Ben!
Thank you for sharing the story. It brought precious memories to me of the joy and excitement when you shared the news with me the first time. I'm so glad that things went well at your doctor appointments for you and for Ben. I have to say, Ben is looking like you and Marc! What a precious, blessed baby he is to have you both!

Ashley said...

can't begin to tell you how much i love this.

miracle stories are the *best*

Joelle said...

I could not be happier for you guys! I have been meaning to comment and did once, but my comment didn't post. So I'm saying it now, CONGRATS! on all of your news!
You are so blessed, and I love reading about little Benjamin!

Mandi said...

I felt such a strong spirit as I read this post! It seems so apparent that all of our really important/significant connections in this life had to have been cemented before....

Just as I believe I was meant to be your sister, I believe Tracey was meant to be another kind of sister. I don't even know Tracey well but I feel like she's my sister too... because she's yours... and you are mine.

I love you!

Jeff and Lisa said...

I love this post. It really is so neat to read about your journey. I feel lucky to read some of Tracey's email, even just 1 paragraph. From what you've said about her on here, she must be amazing....

Andrea said... HAPPY for both of you. Love this post! What an amazing person Tracey is! Love seeing pictures of you and Marc holding Benjamin. Oh, so sweet!
Love ya!

KieraAnne said...

That is so awesome! I am so happy for you both. I can only imagine what it must have felt like to get that email. You guys are wonderful people and you totally deserve it. Benjamin and Tracey couldn't have picked a better family to place him with. :)

Kaija said...

thank you for sharing these pieces of your journey.

Calamity Jane said...

As marc would say back in the day...
I can hear his voice in my head however I have no idea if he still says it!

candice said...

facebook wouldn't let me post this:

i just read on your blog about ben's acid reflux and gas pains--- i totally know what you are going through with the tears of worry, guilt (okay, i always felt guilty, mainly because i couldn't take away the hurting from my baby that i felt like i was causing) and general anxiety. Eden, my first, had a terribly sensitive stomach. She would cry and cry and not eat, which made me cry and cry. E started developing a rash and would baulk at my milk, she wouldn't sleep at night because of gas pains, she would cry inconsolably, all of these horrible things. it turned out that she couldn't digest the proteins in my milk from dairy---it was giving her horrible stomach pains and the rash on her bum. After finally realizing what it could be, i cut out all my dairy and she started sleeping through the night, the stomach pains subsided and she turned into a happy (sleeping) little baby. You should ask your ped about a sensitivity to dairy---i've read that dairy sensitivities can also contribute to reflux. there are special formulas out there for dairy sensitive babies. Luckily, if you cut out the dairy they generally outgrow their sensitivity and are fine. E's favorite food is a quesadilla :) i was able to re-introduce dairy at a year, that is when her digestive tract was mature enough to handle the complex proteins.

hope this helps! hang in there.

Pappo - Darwin said...

Marc and Megan, I can't think of two more deserving people than you two to receive the blessing of little Benjamin. He is blessed to have such wonderful parents. Love you guys tons.