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Friday, January 29, 2010

Answered Prayer and Aching Arms

I went to bed last night with a headache, caused by worry and exhaustion. Ben had fallen peacefully to sleep after his 9:30pm feeding. I carefully laid him down in a propped-up position, at the recommendation of Dr. Pediatrician (to keep the acid from refluxing). I quickly went through my nighttime routine - washed face, brushed teeth (dry heaved, at least once), scraped tongue (gagged again), divided up the formula for at least three mid-night feedings, laid a big fat kiss on my man, and finally collapsed to my knees at the side of my bed.

As I started to voice my thanks and then my pleadings for heaven's help and relief on behalf of our little boy, a tender feeling filled my heart. I knew I wasn't alone in my love and concern for Benjamin, and I felt reassured that I wouldn't be left without the intuition and ability to be his mother. As my prayer came to a close, I hoped that Ben was at least partially aware of my prayer for him, knowing this is only the beginning of a lifetime of prayers I'll send to heaven for him.

Except for the 2-hour stretch from 2:30-4:30am, our nighttime feedings last night appeared relatively calm and painless. (Thanks to answered prayers!) And even though those two hours weren't comfortable, there is a sweetness in being able to gently sway in the dark with my arms filled with so much love, and sing soft melodies of comfort. 

When sleep finally came to us both, I stretched out my aching arms... and thanked God for this kind of ache, (which is a million times better than the empty ache I knew for too many years) and again for Tracey in making this ache possible. 



Mindy said...

Adoooore the picture!!!! I didn't have to threaten you to put them up. Just a forceful request. :)

Amanda said...

I swear EVERY time I read your blog I end up in tears. I don't even know you personlly, but I am so excited for you and your family. You have been through so much and deserve every one of these blessings.

Ashley said...

love it.

Allred Fam said...

I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to write you a proper email for all the wonderful things going on in your life. But this picture and post and writings are just beautiful, and I'm so happy for you! I'm sorry for the sickness, I know that all too well, and it's not fun. And I can't even imagine all that with a newborn also, I'm sure you are exhausted but what a special time for you all.

mindyluwho said...

I love reading about your feelings of being a mother. It brings back such sweet memories of when my babies were small. I loved rocking them in the dark and singing, even when I was totally exhausted!

Allred Mom said...

Love the picture with you and your sweet little boy! I'm glad that he slept better and had less pain! You're a great and wonderful mommy! :)

Becky Rose said...

did the doctors tell you to hold him up right for 45 minutes after each feeding- a daunting task I know- I nannied for a baby with the same problem.