For most of the last six months I haven't had much free time. When I have had free time, like when the boys are down for naps, I've been so exhausted that I've napped with them. And I've discovered that two naps a day is my kind of lifestyle!
Lately, though, we've finally had some success with the boys' sleeping habits (hallelujah!) and I'm starting to feel like I don't need my two naps as much as before. So, in those little pockets of time when I'm not running around trying to stay ahead of my little guys, I feel my writing bug itching to find release. The problem is that I'm struggling lately to find my voice.
For whatever reason words just seem to come flowing out when I'm in the middle of a crisis. Tragedy seems to be my best genre. Now that we're living in happier times, I almost feel like moving out of that valley of sorrow I somehow lost my voice along the way. Well, maybe it isn't that I've lost my voice so much as my voice has added a new octave and I'm trying to learn how to use it and feel comfortable with it.
My head feels backed up with thoughts that have been sitting and waiting for their escape. Hopefully my voice, in all its newness and oldness, will find a way to release all that has been building up.
4 comments:
Ditto. Sometimes it's hard to do the things you want when the moment hits. The trick for me is in those moments jot down a few key words that will help me remember the thought I had when my hands were full.
I'm so busy most of the time that I forget I'm supposed to have my own thoughts and opinions. I'm not saying I've lost myself, but I have been so preoccupied that I forget to take care of "me." That includes finding out things I like to do, goals for myself, and becoming the kind of mother I always wanted to be. I'm still working on meshing motherhood and "self" into one person and I think I'll be working on that for a while!!
Thank you for sharing this. I love that you are searching for your voice, that you even noticed a change. I love reading your blog and look forward to more things that you write! I also identify a lot with this post, for different reasons. The words flow the most for me in crisis time, as well. But my best editing and revising happens when I am not in crisis mode. I have lost touch with my creative voice while I immerse myself in the analytic writing of my PhD work. But I miss that writer in me. Kirk is looking for his voice, too. I wish us all luck!
It is normal to have a period of adjustment and refinding yourself! I am sure it will come when the time is right.
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