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Tuesday, March 10, 2009


Change is good. Depending on the degree and type, change can be really, really hard. But no matter the change, there always seems to be a wide range of conflicting emotions that come with change. The upside is the invitation for a new beginning. A chance to start anew. A new perspective. An opportunity to get up and try again.

We are in the middle of some changes. For right now life has been simplified down to milk, cereal and all the variety of things you can do with whole wheat bread and strawberry jam. Among all of the boxes of things to be unpacked, it also feels like we have new little packages of hope, begging to be opened.

Somewhere in the process of moving - getting rid of excess, unnecessary items and finding old treasures that I thought had been lost - I feel like it has been a good physical exercise in helping me to mentally and emotionally sort through all the thoughts and feelings I've been having lately. I've felt strengthened and inspired in knowing what things need to be thrown out and how to get rid of them in a healthy way. It is a blessing that amid all the junk there are sweet treasures that I have carefully wrapped up to keep in a corner of my heart forever.

I spent most of this morning observing how differently our cats are adjusting to our new environment. Einstein, our curious explorer, is wandering from room to room, making sure to inspect every square inch of our new surroundings. From all I can tell, he approves.

Watson, on the other hand, is our shy cuddler. He is currently huddled in the tightest ball he can get himself into, under the covers on our bed. When the internet guy came this morning, I went under-covers with Watson, to give him a little extra comfort. In a different, strange way, I totally understood his need to be there; his fears and insecurities. Funny how I probably needed that time hiding under the blankets even more. In fact, I wish I would have given myself permission to do that months ago. It ended up being a very revelatory moment for me. Understanding flowed, answers came, comfort filled my heart.

So, Mr. Change, though you make life uncomfortable and scary enough to want to hide under the covers, I appreciate this new beginning. New memories to be made, new hopes to realize, new dreams to fulfill.


Hi I am Charity said...

I love this post Megan. Are you guys still in Ukiah? I think of you often. I'll talk to you soon.

Michelle said...

Beautiful, Megan.
I didn't know ya'll were moving! I love that you consider it a new beginning. And I love your thoughts about revelation while taking refuge "under cover." :)
Good luck with the unpacking!

KieraAnne said...

We just moved to a new place too so I totally feel your unpacking pain. Are you still in the same town? Good luck with the new place!

Allred Mom said...

We hope this change continues to bring peace with it to you.
I'm sure Watson will adjust, too!
I too like to wrap up in the covers and hide away! :-)

Andrea said...

I don't know how I missed your last couple of posts. I love as always all that you have to say. You are amazing! It looks like you have moved and I hope you will continue to have moments of peace. Today was a wrap up in the covers kind of day for me...oh, it can be so hard sometimes. Thanks for your inspiring and beautiful words. You are amazing!

Carrot Jello said...

Congratulations on your new place. I loved this post.

Christian and Jennifer said...

Dear Megan,
I don't leave comments too often and I'm sorry about that. Your writing is so beautiful and so poignantly captures your emotions in a way that helps the reader to understand the pain of what you have been through. I truly feel like you are an inspiration and that your writing speaks to my heart. Have you thought about writing a book about your experience? I think you would help so many other couples who have been through something this painful. I think you are wonderful.

Carlykins said...

Megan, I come here to read your posts and am left speechless with nothing worthy to say in response. I have felt so much guilt for disappearing. I think about you oh so often and there is a portion of my heart that is ALWAYS filled with thoughts of you and Mark. I am grateful for your openness and willingness to share such tender and REAL emotions that you experience on a daily basis. I want to sincerely thank you for your ever so sweet and thoughtful comments. I want to copy and paste the last one you shared with me. You hit the nail on the head. I am going to need to print it out and read it everyday. It is amazing how people don't want things to be fixed and yet they are so quick to fix others in their time of need. Nobody can fix it, Heavenly Father can in His own way and even then He can't take others agency away. He can only guide me with my choices which is ever so struggling for me. I am happy that you have this fresh start to move. Sometimes it is needed and scary at the same time. I wish it was closer, um like Utah. Someday we will physically meet. I still think about it. I know we will. I love you tons and thank you for your delicate heart and for allowing us all into your world. How healing it has been to read your words and the words of others that you have compiled together. It is amazing how time is the greatest healer along with our Savior and Heavenly Father. Thank you again my sweet friend. Loves to you. Take care and I will try to not stay away for so long.

Julie said...

Hi Megan - I came across your site today through a comment you left on my blog earlier this month. I'm so sorry I didn't see it until now. Thank you for posting and I am so sorry you know the pain of losing your sweet girls, just as I know the pain of losing my son and daughter 5 years ago. I look forward to getting to know you better and would love to "chat" with you more. Feel free to e-mail me at ddjday at comcast dot net.

"Hope is what happens a long as we breathe. For although it takes time, the sorrow will ease."

Hugs and prayers to you.

Kim said...

Hiding under the covers can be the ultimate medicine. And the most tasty.