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Friday, July 16, 2010

Two Years

Today we marked the second anniversary of losing our twin daughters.

Today was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.

But it wasn't hard for the reasons I would have expected.

It was hard because I was trying to convince myself it shouldn't be hard.

It turns out that sadness ends up being greater when you try to convince yourself not to be sad.

Had I allowed myself today to feel whatever I needed to feel without guilt or shame or insecurity, I think the overall feeling today would have been one of marginal sadness and overwhelming peace.

Silly me... I worked so hard all day to keep my emotions bottled up that once dusk fell, so did the tears.

Now, I'm just plain exhausted. And reminded of the fact that grief is hard, hard work. (And, so is taking care of two babies, especially one who is going to be awake shortly for his next feeding....)

Before I turn out the light for the night, a heartfelt thank you for the prayers and thoughts for us and our girls on this their birthday.

How I love them.


Kate said...

*HUGS* and prayers with you on this difficult anniversary . . . your girls love you and Marc and your boys very much! and amazing as that is, our Father in Heaven loves you more!
may you find peace in Him always! :)

Amy said...

Oh Megan, it's so hard. It will always be so hard. It doesn't matter if you have fifty kids....
Love to all of you.

Ence Family said...

Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. We know what you are feeling and you deserve to grieve. There is still a tender feeling always in my mind. It will be 6 years for us Monday the 19th. Love you!

Stout Ranch said...

Oh Meg,

Would that I could take away your pain.

Having lost our first 13 years ago, I can tell you that it never goes away but it does get bearable, tolerable. Over time the pain lessens and you are able to remember the sweet times more clearly.


Calamity Jane said...

Hugs and prayers! We won't forget your two angels!

Allred Mom said...

You were in my thoughts and prayers! I may have been hundreds of miles a way, but my thoughts were still of you! Love ya!

mrs. r said...

i am so sorry.