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Friday, January 30, 2009

Higher Ground

I woke up this morning, with a vague recollection of part of my dream during the night. Marc and I were on vacation, staying on the seventh floor of a hotel that was literally right on the edge of a beautiful beach. We had just stepped onto the warm sand when we were alerted about the possible threat of a tsunami coming. My reaction was rather calm, even for watching myself in a dream.

(Dreams are strange, aren't they?)

Right away, I started repeating over and over, "we need to get to higher ground!" Well, we ended up deciding that our seventh-floor hotel room was the perfect place. Fortunately I'm a little smarter in real life. But, as I woke up this morning the thing that kept repeating through my mind was, "we need to get to higher ground."

This week I've found myself desperately needing some higher ground to get through some of these new stages of grief. I try not to focus too much on the pain and the grief, but honestly, the last six months of my life have been hard. For real hard. It has been hard to face the reality of our loss, and it has been hard to come to terms with what the rest of our life might hold, or not hold for that matter.

And, I find myself recognizing the wisdom in finding that "higher ground." I'm so glad I did on Wednesday.

It is comforting to know that I am known and understood and loved by God. When I feel burdened by the loneliness of my heartache, I find relief in those quiet moments when I feel the strong assurance that He knows. He understands. Even the feelings that I'm too embarrassed and sad to express to anyone else. He knows them all. And, still loves me, too.

This journey to higher ground is the pathway of discipleship to the Lord Jesus Christ. It is a journey that will ultimately lead us to exaltation with our families in the presence of the Father and the Son. Consequently, our journey to higher ground must include the house of the Lord. As we come unto Christ and journey to higher ground, we will desire to spend more time in His temples, because the temples represent higher ground, sacred ground.
- Joseph B. Wirthlin

(My time spent on that higher ground this week couldn't have come at a better time. We got a phone call today from the mortuary. The headstone we ordered right before Christmas is supposed to be set today... I don't know how I feel about that yet.)


Allred Mom said...

Just wanted to let you know I'm sending Hugs your way!
I hope that the headstone came exactly as you had created it.
"higher ground" truly is the best place to be! Love ya!

Andrea said...

Love every word! Needed to hear every word as well. Thank you Megan for your thoughts. I love that quote from Jospeph B. Wirthlin. I'm so grateful for "higher ground" I really don't know what I would have done the past 10 months without it. You are wonderful and amazing.
Love ya!

Sam and Lacey said...

Beatiful. Thanks for reminding me of that. I too hope that we can have some super awesome playdates with our little ones in heaven. I love to just think about that. It puts a huge smile on my face. I hope the headstone is just what you have planded and wanted. It was such a hard day for me when Ava's came in. I pray that you will be comforted.

Jeff and Lisa said...


I am a complete stranger to you. At times I am amazed at the wonderful blessings that come from sharing our lives through the blog world. I don't know how I stumbled across your blog this morning, but I am so glad I did. I really hope it is okay that I read(all of it). I was so drawn in with your story. You see I have this unending need to understand loss. I have been faced with the possibility of standing in your shoes, now I am on a different journey. Raising a daughter that is "special". But almost losing her more than once has left me with deep scars and so much fear. It has been 4 years and I still struggle. I have completely different trials in my life but I found a lot of comfort by reading your words. I wish I knew how to remain faithful like you. I hurt so badly for you and your husband, wishing that you didn't have to go through what you are. It is so hard living in a different normal isn't it? I was once told that we take turns being dark angels and light angels for each other. That the difficulties I am facing each day will help others. I am amazed at your strength and a little envious of it. I was reminded to keep going and to live now and not in the future through your words. I know I won't have her as long as I want and find myself locked in fear of that. I want to be better than that and needed that reminder.

a friend,

Erika said...

I understand that need for higher ground, and like you, the last 6 months for me has been REAL hard! Your words give me so much comfort. Thanks for sharing...


Ence Family said...

It was so good to see your mom and dad today! We all went to breakfast together for Brooke's birthday. So much fun!