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Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Trusting instincts

I feel like I've been getting my first lessons in trusting my motherly instincts, which has been scary and thrilling all at the same time.

When we first found out we were expecting twins, we didn't know how much differently a multiple pregnancy should be treated. Our plan was to continue seeing my regular OBGYN and deliver at our local hospital, in "Small Town" California. Well, after being referred to a perinatologist for our genetic testing, we started to get this feeling that we were in much better hands with her than we were with my regular doctor. Nothing huge, just little differences here and there that really left an impact on us. Our referral to the perinatologist was only meant to be for two visits, after which it was intended that I would continue all my regular visits here in Small Town.

Let me just say: Knowledge really is power.

The more we've learned about our twin pregnancy, the more we've found my doctor and her staff in Small Town to not know nearly enough about mono-di twins. I'm sure they know a heckuvalot more about other things than us, but I would say that our research, in addition to our instincts, have given us a lot to help guide us in different ways than what they've suggested.

This past week we were presented with a few dilemmas that had me worried and stressed. We had our Small Town OBGYN telling us things, and even making decisions for us, that went against everything we were feeling. By nature, I'm not the type to be aggressive and demanding. I like to keep the peace and be flexible to make everyone happy. I was conflicted... do I just go with what this "professional" is telling me? Or do I go against her judgment and forge a new pathway?

In the middle of all this worry and stress, I talked to my parents and other family members who encouraged me to follow through with whatever I felt was right for our babies. Not knowing where to begin, I offered a simple prayer pleading to be guided to the right people that could help point us in the right direction. I knew there were people who had experiences that could help me, but I needed help knowing who. I felt calm, knowing that somehow we would, in fact, be guided.

Well, I spent much of the rest of the day making some phone calls and doing some more research to figure out what I felt was best for me and our babies. I called a close friend, whose husband is a doctor, and with her help I decided the best place to start was finding a hospital where I'd want to deliver. Our top priority for that was that the hospital have a Level 3 NICU. We found one an hour away, and even though we knew nothing else about it for sure, we decided it was definitely better than the Level 1 NICU in Small Town.

As soon as we had decided on the hospital, I suddenly remembered, "Oh yeah, Brother So-and-So works at that hospital... I should call his wife and get some doctor recommendations." Well, I didn't have her number, so I called her sister-in-law. As I explained why I needed the number, the sister-in-law proceeded to tell me about their experience with baby #4 at the NICU in this particular hospital and how incredible their experience was with the hospital and its staff. Huge sigh of relief... I felt a confirmation that we had found the right hospital.

Then, I called this friend, to get some recommendations of good doctors at the hospital. Since I'm already about half way through this pregnancy, I really don't have a lot of time to try out different doctors. I'd rather find one and get settled with him/her without having to waste anymore time starting from the beginning over and over. During our conversation, I had more and more confirmations that we were going in the right direction. She was able to give me the names of two doctors at the hospital where we want to deliver, who come highly recommended based on their experience with delivering multiples. I already have an appointment set up with her first recommendation next Tuesday.

In addition to these two people, who were clearly answers to my simple prayer, I also connected with three other new mothers of mono-di twins, who have shared details of their experience with me that have made it even more clear that we've made the right choice to move in this direction. Such relief!!

This pregnancy means so much to us... we want to avoid as many potential problems and risks as we can. There are already enough factors that we can't control, that when it comes to things we can control we're going to do everything in our power to make sure that our babies are in the best hands possible.

I'm just so grateful that we aren't alone in figuring this out. I know that our prayer, in that moment of need, was heard and answered by a loving Father. I'm grateful for the people that He guided us to that have been such a huge help for us in making these big decisions, and then giving us those peaceful feelings that we've not been blindly making our own pathway, but that He was guiding us all along.

There is a verse in 1 Nephi that has come to mean a lot to me through the last five years, and I was reminded of it again with this latest experience: And I will also be your light in the wilderness; and I will prepare the way before you, if it so be that ye shall keep my commandments; wherefore, inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall be led towards the promised land; and ye shall know that it is by me that ye are led.


Familia Fowler said...

So sweet Megan. You both are loving, intelligent and spiritual people and as long as you keep believing your instincts you will be wonderful parents. Never doubt that our Father will give you the answers you need to keep your babies safe and happy. You guys are awesome.

Sis A said...

Marc & Megan,
Keep trusting your instincts.
The Holy Ghost will continue to guide you on what you should do for your sweet little babies.
I love reading your blog! Thanks for all of the updates!
Rachel...aka Sis A

mindyluwho said...

You are such an inspiring person with the faith you have shown throughout the adoption process and now this pregnancy. I so admire that!

Twin girls (maybe) fun!

Kim said...

I am so thankful that these babies are healthy and that you have found peace and comfort on this new deserve it!

Carlykins said...

Welcome to the world of "Mother Bear". The instincts are STRONG! You have learned that. They are in you naturally Megan. Your heart is so tender, your spirit so sweet. Nobody knows like a mother does. It is true. Follow it. So glad that you have these doctors to take care of you, but you are in charge. ;) What a journey, what a miracle. Amazes me every time. Pray for you everyday. Ok I PLEAD for you everyday ;).

Jamie said...

Well, I am just shocked that you don't want to deliver at Small Town Hospital right there where you live! I hear it's just the best around! :)

Oh wait...I'm not shocked. I am 100% SURE that you made the right decision. Eric's stepmom is a nurse and refused to work at Small Town Hospital because she said the equipment was old and out of date, as were the staff. She told us that she would NEVER go there for anything. It's totally worth a little drive, for those of you that live there. I have been wondering where you were going to deliver, but didn't want to freak you out by asking about it. But you are soooo on top of it already! Good job!

Marc and Megan said...

Emi, thanks for your sweet words - you're way too nice! This new phase of parenthood is a little scary!

Rachel, I was so happy to find your comments! I love having you share in this with us!

mindyluwho, we are so grateful for the gospel, which gets us through everything... we couldn't do it on our own, that's for sure! And, yes, I'm so excited to have two girls!

Kim, thank you so much for your sweet words and support!

Carly, I'm so grateful to have friends like you who can teach me the Mother Bear ways! Thanks for your prayers for us!

Jamie, thanks for being another voice of confirmation that we made the right choice! After telling people about our change in plans, we've heard very similar feelings and thoughts that you shared... I'm so glad we made these changes!

brossettelewis said...

Instincts= the spirit guiding you... :) I had a similar situation...I had to find a new OB, he recommended a great one (an hour away), i decided against the drive and found a local family/OB within walking distance. Then twins, then TTTS, then bi/tri-weekly peri visits... The Peri was across the street from the recommended OB...he has TTTS survivors. Listen when 'instincts' speaks. :)