The Five People You Meet in Heaven

After a very unseasonably warm January, February has brought with it rain. We really need it, so I don't mind it. To celebrate the rain today, I curled up on the couch with a blanket and a movie. The Five People You Meet in Heaven. As far as movies go, it was pretty good. I guess one nice thing about it was being able to reflect on some of my own thoughts and feelings.

I don't know what the deal is, but for the last month or so I've had so many thoughts swirling around in my head, but totally unable to make sense of them. The movie was both a welcome distraction from the constant pressure to make sense of everything, as well as a helpful tool in getting me to look at my thoughts differently. 

Anyway, there was a quote near the end of the movie that really struck me. The main character, Eddie, meets his wife in heaven and he's expressing his sadness in having lost her and missed out on time with her. And this is her response: 

"Lost love is still love. It takes a different form, that's all. You can't hold their hand, you can't tousle their hair. But when those senses weaken, another one comes to life. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You hold it, you dance with it. Life has to end; love doesn't."

One aspect of our loss that has been incredibly hard to deal with has been the fact that we really only have one memory to hold onto of our daughters. And, the fact that that memory is filled with such intense feelings, makes it that much harder to think about. I find myself wishing that we could have had just a little more time. Just a few more memories to get us through. It all just happened too soon and too fast.

But, the part of this quote that really rang true to me was this idea about new senses being strengthened with loss or death. While we clearly lack the memories, I have still found myself seeking to strengthen other senses. There is a need to connect to and understand the language of the Spirit; a hungering for quiet moments to feel a little bit closer to things eternal. It has never felt as urgent or as much of a priority as it does now. And, I'm really grateful for that - grateful for the yearnings, grateful for the awareness of the knowledge and the peace that are available.

And, really what a comfort to know that though life {as we now know it} does have an end, love doesn't.

But, that's a whole new topic for a different day.

Puzzles and Movies

One of our favorite traditions at Christmastime is building puzzles. It's the only time of year we do it, so it always feels exciting to get out the puzzles. This year, we decided to buy a few new ones. We've finished one and are still working on the second one, but that should be done very soon.





And, while building the puzzles, we've been watching movies! There is a movie rental store we like to go to where you can rent 5 movies for 5 days for 5 dollars. There's nothing like movies and puzzles to make it feel like vacation!

The other night we were watching Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events and it was a little bit on the weird side, to be honest. But, I loved the ending and the message they brought home. Without giving away too much, this is part of a letter the children read after experiencing quite a few "unfortunate events":

At times the world can seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe us when we say there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough. And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events, may, in-fact be the first steps of a journey.

I loved that message of the movie.

Then, yesterday we watched Nicholas Nickleby, which is based on a novel by Charles Dickens. Another great movie, with a great message at the end:

In every life, no matter how full or empty one's purse, there is tragedy. It is the one promise life always fulfills. Thus, happiness is a gift, and the trick is not to expect it, but to delight in it when it comes, and to add to other people's store of it … What did these people do when their families shrank? They cried their tears, but then they did the vital thing. They built a new family, person by person. They came to see that family need not be defined merely as those with whom they share blood, but as those for whom they would give their blood.

Before we got into adoption, Marc and I talked openly and honestly about our ability to love a child that wasn't made up of our genes. We started first by looking at our nieces and nephews. Could we love them as if they were our own? Yes, of course. Then, we looked at the children of our close friends. Could we love those kids with a parent's love? Yes, definitely. Then, we started asking the same question, this time about children that we've never had any contact with.

Over and over again we have felt an overwhelming love overflow in our hearts. There is absolutely no doubt that we will cherish and rejoice in opening our hearts to any child that comes into our home, no matter how they get here. And, that is why I love the ending quote in Nicholas Nickleby. Family is so much more than genes and blood.

For much of the last few weeks, my thoughts have been turned to Joseph. I love this inspiring story of a young father opening his heart to a Son of another Father, and loving him and teaching him as his own child. It's an amazing story of the miracle of a family created by love.

On Christmas day I got to hold a friend's two-week old baby girl. Oh the joy! Such a perfect little soul. Fragile and beautiful, bringing out the most tender and gentle feelings. I have moments when I'm afraid that my desire to be a mother will lessen with time, like maybe I'll find some other area in life that will take priority over motherhood. But after moments like holding little McKenna, I feel the yearning has only multiplied with time. I think at times I may appear aloof around people with babies... only because I'm afraid to reveal the aching in my arms to hold a baby I can call my own. I am hopeful that day will come soon.

I know miracles happen and I know they can happen for me personally.

Juno

Over the weekend Marc and I were wanting to go see a movie, so we were looking at movie reviews at our favorite movie review site. We happened to notice a movie, Juno, on their list that got a 92% (which is a really good score) but didn't recognize the movie title. So, we watched the trailer and it turns out to be a movie about a young teenage girl who gets pregnant and decides to have her baby and give it to an infertile couple. We wanted to go see it over the weekend, but it hasn't come to our theater yet... and I have since learned that it's a "limited-release movie."

Maybe somebody out there has already seen it and can let us know if it's a good flick. The trailer is good, so we're hoping that the rest of the movie is just as good. I wonder what we would have to do to get our theater to bring it here for a week.... I'll have to look into that. In the meantime, check out the trailer:

Why I like Pride & Prejudice

We watched the Focus Features version of Pride & Prejudice last night. This one is such a beautiful film, and as a card-carrying male, I proudly admit I really love it.

The visual composition and cinematography in this film are wonderful and really add depth to Jane Austen's novel. For example:

Beautiful outdoor scenes:




...and this fantastic shot, which is composed like an 18th-century painting:


A minor detail in that last shot that's worth pointing out: The director arranged the three men according to social class: upper, middle, lower.

If you haven't seen the film, go watch it! It's a good love story, too. Wink wink!

P.S. See if you can find Megan's favorite part of the film, shown below:



-Marc