Patience

It's hard to believe two weeks have passed since Lucy was born (well, as of tomorrow afternoon, anyway). In some ways it feels like it was just yesterday and in other ways it feels like she's been here much longer. I'm still confined to bed, mainly for the continued healing of the hematoma. Some say it's just a fancy way of saying "bruise", but the pain at times from this fancy bruise has been worse than labor itself. On some days it feels like it's getting better, but then other days I feel like it might just be the death of me. Every couple of days, it seems, I have a little breakdown - just feeling tired and frustrated at not being able to do anything.

The one (and possibly only) upside to having these injuries that are keeping me in bed is that I get to love on my sweet Lucy 24/7. She and I hang out in my bedroom all day, napping and nursing, and staring into each others' eyes during her waking hours. Those eyes, by the way, are looking like they might just turn out to be from me, which feels only fair since Hugh got his Daddy's.

Lucy is the easiest baby. She sleeps a ton - perhaps more than Ben and Hugh put together at her age. She's super mellow, except when her feeding has been delayed by more than five minutes. Oh, and if I dare to even have a taste of anything dairy, then she screams and squirms and isn't happy at all. So, just like with Hugh, I'll be cutting out all dairy for the next few months. It'll totally be worth it to keep her happy.

I was thinking back today to last November when I first found out I was pregnant. I had pretty mixed emotions, but I feel so ashamed to admit that there was any part of me that wasn't grateful and excited. It turns out that there was this big dark hole in my life that I wasn't even aware of that has now been filled with this little light of mine, Lucy. I can't help but look at her and feel completely overcome with love. She is such a beautiful little soul.

Plus, there is something about her presence that makes me feel just a little closer to Elliana and Emmaline. And, that is such a comforting feeling.

So, healing is going slow - much slower than I'd want - but I'm trying to soak up this time with Lucy and enjoy the slower pace in these early days of her life, knowing there will no doubt come a day when I'll wish I had these slow days back. And, having my parents to take care of Ben and Hugh has made it easier on me emotionally to not be there for them as much right now. There's no doubt they love spending time with "Bapa" and "GG".

So, Patience, it turns out is a virtue... and a lesson that seems to come around in different forms much more often than I'd like. I suppose I should make her a friend and let her teach me what she will.