Sleepless and Silent Night

Poor little Lucy hasn't been sleeping well lately - at nap times or during the night. She's been waking up a couple of times after I put her down at night and before I go to bed myself, and just cries with a sadness that makes my heart break. Then, she's been waking up 3-4 times a night. I think part of it might be her first tooth that's about to poke through. Part of it might be her little body getting used to eating solids. Part of it might be becoming more aware of being left alone when she just wants to be near someone. Part of it might be all the big milestones she's hitting all at once. Whatever it is, I hope we can comfort her through it and help her get back to sleeping better again.

Marc just went in to take a turn comforting her, while I get things wrapped up for the night and can go in to take over. I could hear his soft humming to Silent Night. I love that my baby girl (and our cute boys, too) has such a good Daddy.

October Projects

I was realizing today how fast this month has gone and I'm trying to figure out where the time went. I've been busy working on a couple of projects in my spare time, both of which have me wondering why I ever thought it was a good idea to use such precious spare time for projects that won't turn out nearly as good as I think they will. Sometimes paying for someone else to do it is a much better plan.

Project number one: I found a blog with a template for quiet books and it looked simple enough that I decided to make a couple for the boys since they've started to need a little more help staying quiet during that first hour of church. A month or so ago I went down to our local craft store and bought all the supplies I'd need. Sixty-five dollars later, a couple of big headaches, and a month's worth of tiny bits of free time on evenings when I've felt any trace of motivation, and I only have two pages done. I should have just bought a couple on etsy.

Project number two: Halloween costumes. They're still a work in progress and they could actually go a couple of different ways, but either way I'm making helmets out of paper mache. Thank you, Mrs. Castleberg, for teaching me in third grade how to make paper mache. I'm just really relieved that if their costumes totally flop, we have their M&M costumes, that they've worn the last two years, as back-up. Depending on how they turn out, I may or may not post some photos.I guess if nothing else my lack of creative talent might give someone else a much needed boost. I'm happy to oblige.

And, besides those two headaches projects, I've been feeling quite sleep-deprived this week. My good little sleeper has been off all week. From birth Lucy was a great sleeper with 3-4 hour stretches from the first night, and then getting to the point of sleeping for nine hour stretches regularly, then going back to sleep for a few more hours. But, all of a sudden this week she's been waking up every couple hours, seems extra fussy (but not obviously sick, as far as I can tell), and isn't napping as well either.

I don't know what is going on, but it got to the point last night that I was sitting in the dark on the couch at 10pm just sobbing. It had been a particularly long day and I was just exhausted and felt so helpless. I begged and pleaded for heaven's help and gratefully last night went just slightly better... but, it was better enough that we both got a little more sleep and Lucy's naps today seemed to be getting back on track. So far tonight she's already woken twice, which is clearly not back to normal, but she's not as fussy and has gone back down a lot easier.

I'm assuming she's going through a growth spurt, but I've been trying to be extra aware of other possible issues. I just hope for both of our sakes that she starts sleeping better again. I told Marc today that if someone really wanted to torture me, sleep deprivation is the way to break me down. I do not handle lack of sleep very well.

So, between my latest projects combined with my lack of sleep, there's been little time and motivation for blogging. Plus, our camera battery has been dead and I don't even have any cute photos to share. Maybe we'll have that fixed by Halloween.

Healing and Sleeping

My healing has drastically improved since yesterday. I had a second follow-up appointment with my doctor and she determined that my walnut-sized clot (hematoma) was all localized enough in the same area that not only was it not going away on its own, but it was the perfect timing to drain it. So, right then and there she took care of it, quickly and mostly painless.

I got up this morning with a sudden burst of energy, partly because I just felt so relieved to have that hematoma gone but also partly because my little Lucy had a six-hour stretch of sleep last night, only waking up once at 2:45am. I was so shocked... that didn't happen with Ben and Hugh until they were like six months old (or maybe even older). I have a two-week old who sleeps!! And, even when she wakes up she grunts instead of cries. She is such a little angel baby!

So, with my sudden burst of energy this morning I got up and ground some wheat and then made a batch of bread. I tried to rest a little in between some of the steps, but after about an hour I started to realize I was probably pushing myself a little bit more than I was quite ready for. Luckily my mom came over and finished with putting the bread in the oven, as well as whipping up some banana bread with my very ripe bananas that had been sitting on the counter. She has been such a huge help this week. I'm so grateful for my family!

In other news, Ben and Hugh have been fighting naps lately. After almost two hours yesterday, they finally both fell asleep and got in a good two-hour nap. We thought the same might happen today, but after more than two hours had passed and they were still talking and laughing (and kicking and screaming, too), I got them out and let them sit on my bed watching a Chuggington movie while I nursed Lucy. Hugh lost interest as soon as my mom showed up and went to the kitchen to have some banana bread. Ben, on the other hand, was fast asleep within 20 minutes and slept for an hour next to Lucy. I know they still need a nap... I just don't know what to do to help it go a little more smoothly than it has been.

There is something very sleep-inducing about a sleeping newborn. Maybe I should just let Lucy work her magic on the boys tomorrow and see how it goes. Although, I'm pretty sure chances are greater that they'll start jumping on my bed like the two little monkeys they are. And, that rarely ends well for any of us.

Bed transition - Success

So, after the ups and downs of our Saturday night attempts to get Ben settled for the night he ended up sleeping through the night and woke up at 7:05am.

We decided we'd try to remain as consistent as possible with our routine on Sunday night and wait on trying anything new at this point. After gently explaining to Ben that it was time to sleep and he needed to stay in his bed, as I got up to leave his room he literally ran after me and slipped his little fingers around the door to keep me from closing it. It is SO hard to be firm in moments like this, but we've learned from experiences with Ben that consistency and keeping with a schedule really works for him.

I carefully moved his fingers from the door and reminded him again that it was time to sleep. I closed the door and stayed there for less than a minute to keep him from coming all the way out, but as soon as I heard him leave the door, I went and paced the living room sure that he'd be out any minute.

Then, Ben started crying and then Hugh started crying, which on the first night we learned that when Hugh started crying (twice) it was because Ben had climbed into the crib with Hugh. But last night we thought Hugh was just upset because Ben was upset and we were sure Ben was going to attempt to come out any minute, so we just waited for a little while (maybe 15 minutes).

At that point it sounded like Ben was saying "down", so Marc went in to check on him. He had climbed into the crib and was crying from there, all while Hugh had laid himself down on the far end and was already fast asleep, even amidst Ben's crying. Marc got him out and laid him down on his bed and told him it was time to sleep and then came back out. Again, we fully expected Ben to come out, but after a minute of protesting it got quiet and we didn't hear a peep from him for the rest of the night. That was 7:45pm and he ended up sleeping until 7:15am this morning. I went in to check on him a little later and he was snuggled up on his bed with his blanket and his two favorite stuffed animals.

We were able to understand better after last night that Ben climbing into the crib with Hugh must have been Ben's way of telling us of some fears and insecurities he was feeling with this transition. I felt some terrible mother guilt once I saw the whole situation from his perspective. I really felt like crying and was determined that we'd approach this whole bed transition more gradually and give him time to feel secure with the change.

Well, if we thought last night went smoothly, tonight was a piece of cake. We did all the normal stuff - scriptures, prayer, storybooks, songs, cuddling - and just when I was about to get up and leave, Ben patted his pillow and begged me to stay, so I sat down next to him and ran my fingers through his hair and sang him two more verses of his favorite lullaby, telling him over and over how much I loved him. He calmed right down and after making sure he had Elmo and his sock monkey in each arm, asking if he was going to go night-night with Elmo and his sock monkey, he even giggled a little. I wasn't sure if it was enough, but I left him at that point and was totally shocked that he didn't follow me to the door, he didn't cry and we didn't hear anything from him at all. That hasn't ever happened - even when he was in his crib.

I don't know if the coming nights will go quite as smoothly, but I've decided it doesn't matter. I think my mind made a way bigger deal out of this whole transition than it needed to. I'll blame it on pregnancy and my fear of never sleeping again once July comes, which I see now is just silly and ridiculous. I clearly value my sleep - and I value my kids' need for sleep and my role in helping them get the sleep they need to be happy - as well as the sleep I need to be happy. BUT, even more than that I've come to realize through this whole situation that I value providing a feeling of safety, of security, of love. And, coming to that realization (even if a little delayed) is the greater sign of success here.

Bed transition - update

This is for those of you who are interested, as well as for my own attempts to keep track of what we're doing that works and what doesn't work. Our first night of transitioning Ben to a big boy bed was a bit of a long night. I slept pretty good the first part of the night, until about 1am. That was when I heard the boys' bedroom door open. In my half-sleep disorientation, I jumped out of bed and ran through our living room and down the hall, hoping to get to Ben before he stumbled into something in the dark. And, luckily, in the process I didn't stumble into anything myself! He had barely closed the door behind him when I scooped him up and took him back to his bed. He was being really talkative, which was making it really difficult to get him settled down. I had been hopeful that it'd only take me 10 minutes before he'd be fast asleep and I could go back to the comfort of my own bed. Not so lucky.

I made five attempts to leave his room, when I thought he was asleep enough not to notice, and before I could get to the door, he was awake and making his way to the door with me. On that fifth attempt I had to use the bathroom so bad and was so tired and uncomfortable from laying down next to him in awkward positions, that I left him and hoped he'd just stay put. I was really surprised to come out and see that I'd been in there for two hours. That was when I decided to ask Marc to take a turn with him.

I tossed and turned the rest of the night, waiting for Marc to come back, but he ended up falling asleep with Ben until morning. I guess being non-pregnant made a difference in the comfort level.

Thursday night we repeated the bedtime routine from the night before and we both laid down with Ben expecting it to just be a 10-minute process. But, since he'd had a three hour nap that afternoon he wasn't nearly as exhausted. After 10 minutes Marc had to get back to a work project, so I stayed with Ben until he fell asleep. An hour and a half later I emerged from his room, admittedly a bit annoyed and impatient that it took him so long to fall asleep. But, that night he slept through the night and didn't come out until 6am when he woke up.

Friday night I let Marc have a turn laying down with him, which ended up taking about an hour. But we were both starting to feel like it was becoming a bit of a game and making Ben more distracted and dependent on us being there than we wanted him to be. So, we decided it was time to switch things up a little for our routine tonight.

7:00-ish - baths are done, scriptures are read, prayers are said, and snuggle time begins.

7:17pm - We say good night and leave the room.

Between 7:24 and 8:26pm - Ben comes out 25 times and Marc patiently and stoically takes him back to bed. There were about a dozen other moments when he opened the door and shut it again on his own without coming all the way out. By around 8pm he was getting a little fussy, a sure sign that tiredness was starting to hit.

9:00pm - After a half hour of complete silence I went in to put him in his bed, because I was fairly sure that he'd fallen asleep right by the door. In the process of carefully pushing the door open, he woke up and became really frantic when we tried to continue what we'd been doing of laying him down and leaving the room.

So, I caved and laid down with him. As soon as he realized I was laying down with him he wiped his tears and leaned in to kiss me and then cuddled his face right up against mine. I hummed a calming lullaby and within ten minutes his breathing was heavy enough that I thought I was safe to leave. Before I could get to the door he was up and running towards me, totally in a panic.

So, I went back and laid down with him again. I kissed him on the forehead and whispered, "go night night, baby." He then very sweetly brought both arms up and around my neck and pulled me close and would not let go. So, I stayed and cuddled him back to sleep. Again, when I tried to leave, he woke up just as I got to his door. So, the next time, I put his sock monkey in one arm and laid his Elmo next to his other arm. And, rather than laying down, I just sat next to him. It was obvious that he was exhausted by how quickly he was falling asleep. It was just that his radar of being left alone was on a high alert.

9:45pm - On my third attempt to come out, he woke up again, so Marc took a turn going in with him.

10:25pm - Marc emerges without Ben waking up. Success! Well, kind of, I guess.

I'm not really sure what this means for our night tonight, if he'll be so zonked out that he'll sleep through the night like he has been or if our efforts were more traumatizing than we intended and he'll wake up in a panic at some point. And, at this point, I'm really not sure what our plan will be for tomorrow night. But, somehow, someway, we'll all make it through this transition successfully. Hopefully sooner than later.

The First Night

So, a month or so ago I posted about Ben's attempt to climb out of his crib. With how tangled up he'd gotten in the process, we sensed that he was too timid to make another attempt. We decided we'd buy ourselves a little more time to figure out what our next step would be for him. Today we suddenly ran out of time.

Nap time came and everything was going just like normal. Both boys in their cribs, babbling away, which usually ends up in both eventually settling down and falling fast asleep. After about 15 minutes Ben was the only one still babbling, so I guessed that Hugh must zonked out and Ben would soon be on his way.

And, it was right about then that I heard his bedroom door open. I immediately covered my mouth in shock and to stifle the laughter as he came running out, with a huge grin on his face clearly pleased with his accomplishment. Then he turned right back around and ran back into his room and shut the door. A minute or so passed and then Hugh was awake and crying. Ben had gone back in and turned the light on and done something to arouse Hugh.

I took Hugh to my bed to get him back to sleep while Marc worked on getting Ben settled. Since he still takes 2-3 hour naps consistently we know he isn't quite ready to give up his naps completely. Anyway, to make a long story short, after getting Hugh back to sleep I spent the next two hours trying everything I could think of to get Ben to fall asleep, eventually leaving him in there alone, only to have him climb out at least a dozen times before I finally gave up.

By late afternoon, I think we had both morphed partially into monsters. Lucky for us both that my parents got back home today and were kind enough to take both boys to the playground down the street for a little while. In the meantime, I rearranged the boys' room and set up a temporary bed with one of our camping pads and brand new monkey sheets I bought a few weeks ago. I tried to make it look fun and inviting, but was totally dreading our bedtime routine tonight.

We did everything like normal, but Ben was so tired and was clearly having a slightly harder time than normal getting settled down. And, since we put Hugh's crib away and moved him into Ben's, there was some confusion about who was sleeping where and why. Ben kept trying to climb into the crib with Hugh, so we laid down next to Ben to help him with the transition. He was so tired that within 10 minutes or so he was totally out. Hugh was still wide-eyed, but seemed content to settle himself to fall asleep on his own.

That was two and a half hours ago and we haven't heard a peep out of either of them at all. But, I'm very cautious in my optimism! Not sure exactly how the rest of the night will go... if either one will wake up disoriented and scared, or how much sleep we'll all end up getting tonight. But, this marks the beginning of the transition I've been putting off. And, just to be prepared, I'm heading to bed early tonight!

Sleep and Bells

Have I mentioned how much better Ben and Hugh are sleeping these days? I read the book - Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child - and was totally skeptical. I was convinced that the examples in the book of babies that improved their sleep habits were just naturally good sleepers. Mine clearly were not and never would be.

We were desperate, though. So, we decided to give it a try and to stay the course for at least a week before giving up. Little did we know that we'd see dramatic improvements within just a couple of days. It definitely took some determination on our part to be consistent and some will power to stay focused on the ultimate goal of helping them to sleep better.

We now put them down to bed by 6pm. Ben is now sleeping in his crib, through the night, for 12 hours. Hugh still wakes usually just once during the night for a feeding, but he's getting 11-12 hours of sleep at night, too. And, maybe the biggest change is that now we're able to just lay them down and have them go right to sleep without rocking them to sleep. That would sometimes take hours to do and was just wearing us both out. It has been really amazing to see the changes. I was so sure that we just had bad sleepers. Turns out we were doing things wrong, without even knowing it. It's such a relief to have our sleep back!

That said, Hugh woke up at 3am this morning and after his feeding just wouldn't go back to sleep. He'd had a bit of a fever last night, so I'm sure that's what was bothering him. After the morning nap, Hugh was still fussing and Ben was screaming, so I took the boys out on a walk. The sun was shining today and the temperature was in the 60s. Plus it's been a while since we've been up to their favorite fountain. 

After our quick stop at the fountain we walked down to the post office to mail a couple of things. On our way the bell tower of one of the churches near downtown rang, signally noontime. I love the sound of church bells ringing. It feels so quaint, so old, and reminds me so much of my fond memories of Italy. And, after the twelve dongs of the bell, it played a Christmas song that at the time I couldn't quite put my finger on its name. (I later discovered it was God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen.) 

There was something about the feel in the air, the leaves chasing down the sidewalk, Christmas bells ringing through the streets, being with my two little boys who were happily enjoying our little outing. Everything about the moment made my heart feel light. This is the feeling I'd been wanting to feel. The calm, the joy. It came in the most unexpected of ways, in a completely unexpected moment.

On a day that started much too early with a baby who was too miserable for words, I felt especially grateful for this little moment. We'll have to follow our same route and schedule in the coming days to find out if the church bells ring out a Christmas carol every day at noon or if there was something special about today. I wouldn't mind hearing those bells again and again and again.

An Update and a Thank You

I have good news! Things have gotten progressively better this week and I feel so grateful for all the little bits of advice we received! We've tried a number of different things and I think all of it is helping. Last night Hugh was bathed, massaged and fed, and fast asleep by 8pm (at least an hour earlier than normal. We're hoping to gradually up the time a little more in the next few days.) He woke up at 10:20pm, but I got him back to sleep within ten minutes, and he then slept until 12:35am. I fed him and he was back down by 1:15am. Then he slept until 5am! I fed him and he went back down until 7:30am. We clearly still have a long way to go, but I slept better last night than I have in a long time, and I think he did, too! And, his naps during the day are going better, too.

(Poor Benjamin and Marc had a rougher night. Our sleep situation right now is Marc and Ben in one room, with Hugh and myself in another - you do what you have to do, right? Anyway, I think he's really close to getting his upper teeth in right now, so he tossed and turned for most of the night, which made for a long night for Marc. I'll have to make sure they both get a good nap in today.)

All the ideas and suggestions left me with two main feelings - ONE - hope that things will get better and - TWO - the reminder that this period of sleep deprivation is only a season that will really go much faster than I want it to. I feel so grateful for all the advice, the empathy, and the perspective that you offered!

I don't know how many of you will check back to read this, but I wanted to respond to each of you that left advice for us... so here it goes...

Deetsgirl – thanks for the dairy idea. I'm now on day three of no diary and I really feel like it's making a difference. So that might have been part of the problem. Thank you!

LilMisfit – I'm glad to know we aren't the only ones who put our babies on their tummies to sleep! I'm always a little hesitant to bring it up (like you were with your Pedatrician), but they really do sleep so much better that way. He doesn't seem to be getting teeth yet, but it could be in the beginning stages, I guess. We'll have to try the CIO method again... I'll probably have more questions about that as we try it. Thanks for the book recommendation. I already ordered it!

Karilyn – Wow! I can't believe you had 7 kids in 11 years! You clearly have some obvious experience and I'm so grateful for all the little tips you shared with me... especially the reminder to rely a little more on being in tune with the spirit to help me know what to do to help my babies. Also, I have to make sure Marc gets credit for how much he helps me with both boys, but especially that he cares for Ben during the night. If I had two babies to wake up to every night, I don't know what I would do! As it is, when I have a really hard night he makes sure I get a nap during the day while he watches both boys. He's a huge help! Thank you so much for all the good advice.

KieraAnne – He doesn't seem to be teething, but he could be just at the beginning stages where it's bothering him. I'll be watching for more cues that that's the problem, though. Thanks for the dairy idea, too. As I said above, I'm on day 3 of no dairy and I think it's helping. Thank you so much for your help! (And, this is kind of random... I don't know if I've ever told you this, but I really love your name.)

Nicole – we usually do have some white noise (a fan or some soft music), but on those nights that were especially bad I realized I didn't have anything on. Now that I'm making sure something is on, it's making more of difference than I realized. And, I still do swaddle Hugh some of the time. I need to figure out how to soothe him without rocking him... he's so used to it that anything else just seems to make him more upset. But, I think you're right. I hope we're not too late to teach him better habits!

Beckstead Fam – thanks so much for sharing your experience. We are determined to try to help both babies have better sleep habits, even if it means two weeks of it being rough. I am a little worried about being a pushover and not being able to listen to them crying. I just have to remind myself that better sleep is better for everyone, and whatever we have to do to get there will be worth it in the end.

Becky – we have been waiting to start solids until after he's six months, but if nothing else helps then we might just start him on cereal early! Thanks for the suggestion.

Inkling – It's comforting to hear that we're not alone. Thanks for the book suggestion – I ordered a copy already. And, thanks for the reminder that before I know it we'll all be sleeping through the night... being in the middle of it with the aching body and constant headache from lack of sleep, it's hard to remember I won't feel like this forever... and that actually they'll grow much faster than what I'm ready for. Thank you for your advice!

Carrot Jello – we'll probably end up resorting to something like that... how long would he cry? Did he eventually go to bed without crying? And, was it the same story with #6?

Liz – I really appreciated the perspective you offered about this period not lasting forever. I am so grateful for the situation I'm in, even with the lack of sleep that comes with it. I'll have to try the bottle before bed. Hugh doesn't know quite what to do with a bottle – he just kind of gnaws on the nipple. But, maybe he'll figure it out after a while. We've also tried co-sleeping and we all sleep terribly! I've looked for a good mobile, but I haven't found one in our little town. What kind do you have exactly? I'll see if I can order it online... I think that might really help us when we start trying to put the boys down without rocking or feeding. Thank you, again, for your suggestions!

Mindyluwho – I'll have to think outside the box and find what might work for Hugh. He hates his car seat, so that won't work, but I'm sure there are some other things I'm not thinking of. Thanks for the reminder that this will pass... and for not making me feel awful for complaining! :)

KellyLady – The scenario you describe is the perfect glimpse into my life! I can see how the two boys together might sleep better... right now I'd be most worried about Ben smothering Hugh, but maybe when Hugh is a little more mobile and we're ready to move them both into a bed, we'll try them together in a double bed. I like that idea – and I think they would both sleep well together.

Erica – Thank you for the book recommendation – we should get it in the mail any day now. I hope it works for us like it did for you! And, thanks for the article. I feel like if I can just learn how to do my part better that both boys will naturally fall into better sleep habits. I'm hopeful that things will get better from here.

Fire – I've been afraid to put the boys in a room together, but I think it's worth trying. They might just keep each other asleep rather than waking each other up. I'm glad you've had some better luck with Serenity. I thought all along she was an all-night sleeper.

Beth – My sister lent me that book and I read through it after Ben was born, mainly to help us identify his acid reflux. I'll have to go back and re-read it. Thanks for all of your other ideas... it's good to have a lot of options of things to try. Something has to work, right?! Thanks for the empathy, too! :)

Sunny – Thanks for sharing what worked for you. I'll have to try the bottle and cereal and see if they help. I'm sure the sleep deprivation will be a thing of the past before I know it!

Kelly - Even though your advice came to me via email, I really appreciated all the suggestions you offered! I've gone back to it a number of times to refresh my memory of extra things we can try. Thanks for taking the time to share so much!

You all are wonderful! I appreciate your help so much!

As for the giveaway, since I am using so many of the ideas offered and since so many of them seem to be helping, I'll just use random.org to pick a winner from among those of you who left comments... to be announced tomorrow.