Some Random Thoughts

My super talented husband has been working on a new blog design whenever he has a free minute outside of his very busy work schedule. And, now we have it mostly done and ready to be revealed. I'm so grateful for his help and for the fresh new feel! I feel a renewed excitement to spend a little more time writing again. Now, it's just a matter of making the time to do it. I'm hoping this will help me get back into writing - it is one of my favorite outlets when life gets to be too much. And, speaking of... I seem to be there right now...

Lately I've been so overwhelmed by sad things happening, mostly in other peoples' lives. Death, divorce, abuse, depression, cancer, unemployment... to name a few. I hear about it all, I feel the heavy weight of sorrow. I want so much to do whatever I can to ease burdens and make things better. I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to say it, but I'm so grateful for the sorrow I've experienced in my own life. My heart has no trouble feeling that sorrow again and I hope that somehow in feeling it along with someone else, that it eases the weight of their sorrow even just a little.

As hard as life's trials are, I find it so amazing how much God can do when we're pushed to our limits. He always seems to find a way to make so much good come out of the worst of situations. There's a talk by Elder Holland, Lessons from Liberty Jail, where he shares the idea that "man's extremity is God's opportunity." Here's just one tiny snippet of an entire gold-mine of a talk:

"You can have sacred, revelatory, profoundly instructive experience with the Lord in the most miserable experiences of your life—in the worst settings, while enduring the most painful injustices, when facing the most insurmountable odds and opposition you have ever faced."

Isn't that such an amazing gift?! I have to say that the year after we lost our twins was both the hardest time of my life and also the most sacred. I actually think back to that period with such tender fondness because I felt such a clear closeness to my Father in Heaven. It was such a dark time, so lonely and so confusing... and feeling the contrast of that with the relief and comfort that would come... it was just undeniable that I was not walking that path alone. My prayers were earnest and urgent. And the answers that came were powerful and overwhelming.

And, so now when I hear about others going through hard things, I wish there was some way to prepare them for the spiritual outpourings that are about to come flooding into their lives. I'm afraid it would come across as overly celebratory for trials that are not to be celebrated. But, the rescue, the miracles, the healing that will come... I'm not sure there's something better to celebrate than that!

I used to be really bothered by the thought that I'd sometimes hear expressed at church that "Jesus is my friend." It felt too familiar, too presumptuous, almost sacrilegious or inappropriate. But, after losing the twins and feeling so alone, I found the Savior to be my one constant. He was there on dark nights when I couldn't stop crying. He was there when Marc and I were grieving so differently that we didn't know how to comfort each other. He was there when I'd close up retreat to some private place to be alone. He was always there. It was so comforting to know He'd been there once in His suffering 2000 years ago and that He'd be there again to walk with me through it. That is the best kind of friend there is. So, yes, He is my friend. I love Him.

I hope that all those who are struggling or suffering through hard times will feel the same love, relief, and comfort that I've felt through life's toughest moments. I find so much comfort in the ways the Lord has always led groups of His people through years in the wilderness, until finally arriving at their own promised lands. I feel confident He can do the same for each of us in our own individual wildernesses.

A new calling

A few weeks ago there was an important moment for my dad, which brought all of my siblings (except one) out for a quick weekend visit. It was so fun to be in on the surprise for my parents, who were not expecting the large gathering since we had just had our family reunion a couple of weekends before.

Half of my siblings arrived in the middle of the night and crashed at my house as soon as they arrived into town. We live just a couple of blocks from my parents and the halfway point is a big grassy field that you have to walk through to get to each others' houses. Early that Saturday morning, I called my parents to invite them over for a pancake breakfast, telling them that Ben and Hugh were asking for them as soon as they woke up.

What they found as they approached that grassy field was a handful of their grown children playing ball in the same grassy field where we played ball as young children. I wish I had thought to bring my camera to capture the looks on their faces. Precious and absolutely priceless.

The next day - Sunday - my dad was given a new calling (or assignment) for our Church, which was the important moment that caused us all to gather. He was called as the Patriarch for our area. For those of you who aren't of my faith, if you're interested in knowing more about patriarchs, you can read about it here. His primary responsibility will be to give patriarchal blessings, which you can read about here.

I've always felt very blessed for the family I belong to, particularly for the blessing of two wonderful parents. For those of you who know my father, I'm sure you'd agree that this new calling is the perfect fit for the kind of man that he is. I've also been given the unique opportunity to help him with secretarial type duties that will surely bring with it some incredible spiritual experiences to my own life. Good things to come, for sure.

Enabling Power

Within a year of coming home from my mission, I found myself sitting in a crowded Marriot Center at BYU, listening to a Tuesday devotional by some person I had never heard of before. I hate to admit this, but sometimes when it would be a speaker I had never heard of I would skip the devotional to get some studying done instead. I don't think I could have known in advance what a huge impact this particular talk on this particular day would have on me. It is one of few moments that I remember vivid details - like, where I was sitting, the view I had of the speaker, and more importantly the feelings I felt.

The man gave an unforgettable talk on the power of the atonement, using scriptures and stories that really strengthened my understanding and testimony of it. I made notes all over my scriptures, wanting to ensure I wouldn't forget his explanations... and it worked. It has been more than six years and it is still very fresh in my memory. In fact, I remember near the end of his talk, being so stunned by the entire experience that I thought to myself, "Who is this guy?"

Well, I happened to be thinking about this talk the other day and decided to see if I could find it through BYU. Well, I was quite surprised to discover that I've actually heard this man speak since then, without even realizing it was him at that devotional in 2001. At the time of the talk, he was the President of BYU-Idaho... who we now know as Elder David A. Bednar.

It was so uplifting to read his talk again today, that I just had to recommend it to everyone else. It really is a very powerful message of comfort and hope.

Here is just a small taste of what you'll find in it:

The enabling power of the Atonement of Christ strengthens us to do things we could never do on our own. Sometimes I wonder if in our latter-day world of ease--in our world of microwave ovens and cell phones and air-conditioned cars and comfortable homes--I wonder if we ever learn to acknowledge our daily dependence upon the enabling power of the Atonement.

...

There is no physical pain, no anguish of soul, no suffering of spirit, no infirmity or weakness that you or I ever experience during our mortal journey that the Savior did not experience first. You and I in a moment of weakness may cry out, "No one understands. No one knows." No human being, perhaps, knows. But the Son of God perfectly knows and understands, for He felt and bore our burdens before we ever did. And because He paid the ultimate price and bore that burden, He has perfect empathy and can extend to us His arm of mercy in so many phases of our life. He can reach out, touch, and succor--literally run to us--and strengthen us to be more than we could ever be and help us to do that which we could never do through relying only upon our own power.