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Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Unexpected Mercy

This afternoon Marc came with me to take another quick peek at our growing little Baby Girl. There's a comfort to having him by my side for big moments like this and I feel extra grateful that he takes the time in his busy day to show he thinks it's important, too.

It was a month ago, at my normal pre-natal appointment, that I was told we needed to get a second ultrasound done between 26 and 28 weeks. Initially the midwife told me that the ventricle outflow in the brain wasn't "well-demonstrated." Well, as soon as I got home I hopped onto the internet, which took me on one quick and scary ride through the land of Worst-case Scenarios. After having a mini breakdown at the thought of something going terribly wrong, and possibly losing this little girl, MY Baby Girl, I summoned the courage to call the midwife and get more information. I wanted details, I wanted to know the exact words from the report of the initial ultrasound, I wanted answers to questions I had been too stunned to ask during the appointment.

Once I finally got a hold of the midwife, she read the report in my chart word for word to me over the phone. There was one point where I heard something about "ventricular outflow of the heart." The midwife kept going and I had to stop her to clarify. I reminded her that at my appointment she'd said it was the outflow of the brain. She read it again and then apologized for the confusion and clarified that it was the outflow of the heart that wasn't clearly visible. For some reason that not-so-tiny detail made me less worried. And, really, in the following weeks I felt this calm reassurance that Baby Girl would be just fine.

And, that was exactly what we learned today. We got a good view of the heart and there was good outflow and a good, strong beating heart. Huge relief. We can resume our previously scheduled non-dramatic pregnancy!

The ultrasound tech was being shadowed by an intern today, so after we got the important things cleared up, we were asked if we were okay with the intern taking a turn driving the little wand across my belly. "Sure. Why not?"

So, we got some additional measurements, just for the heck of it, which revealed our little Baby Girl is not so little. She is consistently measuring two weeks ahead of my estimated due date, with her head measuring slightly ahead of everything else. That moment took me back to Hugh's 28-week ultrasound when we found out about his head measuring ahead of the rest of his body parts. We apparently make large headed babies. And, if Baby Girl's growth continues like it did with Hugh, I guess we can expect another baby tipping the scales near another healthy 9 pounds (hopefully not more than that!).

Seeing into my own womb, watching my baby moving around and feeling the kicks simultaneously, getting a tiny glimpse of this little unexpected miracle, made my own heart feel like it might just burst. I was realizing that every one of my babies has come unexpectedly, in moments when we were least expecting or planning. All unexpected, but all the greatest of surprises and true miracles.

It's no wonder the most striking moment from this past weekend's General Conference for my church, was this quote by Elder Holland:

"Surely the thing God enjoys most about being God is the thrill of being merciful - especially to those who don't expect it and especially to those who feel they don't deserve it."

To have been the recipient of God's mercy on more occasions that I dare try to count, makes me want to dig deeper to be better and more deserving of His love and goodness.

1 comment:

Mandi said...

Hooray! I'm so glad to hear the great, great news that things are ok with your little one. And it's funny that that quote stuck out to you - it was one that I noted as well!