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Monday, December 12, 2011

Number Three


For the last (roughly) six weeks, I've been trying to recover from shock that I'm pregnant. Not too long ago I was complaining to a friend about people who ask me what has become the most dreaded question: "are you going to have more kids?" There are a few reasons the question bothers me.

One, it's such a personal question that doesn't have a simple answer and in most cases I don't want to give anything but a simple answer, which usually means my answer of "I really don't know" is probably not a very satisfying answer to most people.

Two, even though I've managed to get pregnant three times in the past nine years, my stats clearly aren't anything to brag about. Getting that question reminds me of the painful reality that I have no idea where I stand in my battle with infertility.

And, three, honestly I feel so blessed with these two boys (and our two on the other side), that to be blessed with any more would just feel greedy. In fact, a few months ago when a friend offered to let me hold her newborn, not only did I not feel baby hungry for a new baby of my own, I also had zero desire to hold her baby. Is that weird?

To be honest, we really thought we might be done. At the very least, we decided we wouldn't even consider adding to our family until the boys were at least three years old.

As that pink little line immediately appeared, the very first emotion to stink deep in my heart was the most overwhelming exhaustion. Not that I was suddenly tired, but the exhaustion that is sure to come... being pregnant while running after two nearly-two-year olds and then the exhaustion of having three kids under three. Ben will have just barely turned two-and-a-half and Hugh just barely two, when this baby is due to arrive.

Not to mention the overwhelming worry about my parenting qualities drastically dropping with an addition so soon. While getting pregnant right now was not the plan, in the last six weeks, between episodes of throwing up and spending endless hours curled up on the couch all while yelling at the boys to stop hitting each other or to get off the kitchen table (clearly, the drastic drop has already begun), I have started to feel the overwhelming exhaustion turn into the most overwhelming love.

Love for this new little miracle. Love for my two boys who seem to know something is a little off and show their concern with extra love and kisses. Love for Marc who I interrupt in the middle of his work day to change nearly all of the poopy diapers, which he does without a single complaint. Love for my parents who have made sure the boys get some real play time and I get a little rest time every single afternoon, along with the meals they've brought over. And, finally, love for the Giver of life and that for some reason He has blessed us again with a new life, a new little miracle.

So, some of the nitty-gritty details: I'm ten weeks along and due sometime around July 8th. Morning sickness is just as awful as with the last pregnancies. Even with the miracle drug, Zofran, I'm still throwing up about once a day... at least it has eliminated those days a few weeks ago when I was getting up to three times in per day. Not fun. I've lost eight pounds in the last month. If things continue like they did, then I can expect to be throwing up for another ten weeks.

One upside to having such terrible morning sickness is that I keep thinking that adding a newborn to the mix can't be too much harder than what the last month has been like. Or maybe I'm just delusional. That could be.

Three kids suddenly feels like a million. Maybe it's just the fact that both boys will still be so young. If people at church are enjoying the little show we put on every week right now, it's about to get a whole lot more entertaining!


16 comments:

Erica said...

I am so excited for you! I will keep you and your boys in my prayers for a healthy pregnancy..!!

Shalini said...

Good luck..wish u healthy pregnancy...

Kelly said...

Oh Megan,
Your thoughts and feelings echo some of my own (particularly the yelling at the boys to stop hitting each other and get off the table...doing it daily myself). Also felt similarly at first when I found out I was pregnant with Natalie QUITE unexpectedly after waiting for 4.5 years to have Kenna. Sigh. Funny how life and Heavenly Father work sometimes.

For me, having the the little girls so close together was a good lesson for me in letting others serve me. I've also started sending Natalie to visit her good friend Brother Grenny on Sunday (two rows back) when I just can't stand another dispute between the girls. :-)

I'm sorry the morning sickness is so rough. I wish you well. You can do this. And everything will work out.

Mandi said...

Hang in there with the crappy sickness! It is bound to get better soon.

JessicaP said...

I sure wish I was closer so we could laugh and cry about motherhood together. I also wish we were in the same ward - we could alternate weeks being the best Sunday side-show.

Amanda said...

Congrats!! I know exactly how you feel. I had a 2 year old and 9 month old when we found out we were expecting again. THe Lord sure has a sence of humor!I know it's so hard to think about now, but you WILL enjoy having them all so close together. My youngest is 16 months now and things get easier. You are so blessed! Prayers for an uneventful pregnancy and delivery.

Inkling said...

I am so happy for you on this new little soul and feeling for you on the morning sickness topic. You will be in my prayers in the coming weeks and months. May the Lord hold you close during this time and provide for every need.

Ence Family said...

I can't begin to tell you how happy I am for you!! This is amazingly exciting!! Our family hopes and prays that you will have no problems and everything will be just fine. I am just smiling with joy for you!! Love you cousin!!

brossettelewis said...

Congratulations :)

Trent and Amber said...

Wow! Congrats to you! It'll be challenging, but made so much easier by having fabulous grandparents around to help! Hugs!

The Wright Family said...

I'm so excited for you. I hope you start feeling better soon. You have time to get used to the idea of 3 kids under 3. You and Marc can handle it!

Juwmama said...

CONGRATULATIONS!!
I'm so excited! Addie (my 3rd) was born when John was just 4 months shy of turning 3 (and Brook was only 16 months old when Addie was born). So, I understand that overhelming feeling....and the exhaustion! But boy do I have some great memories when they were all in that stage together. So much fun!! A kind of fun (and exhaustion) you'll never have again. Now I have a 12 yr. old... which is much more exhausting I'm finding! I'm sorry you're sick and wish I were there to help. Congrats though!
JULIA

Kimberli said...

YAY!!! Fun to hear the story behind the news! I am SO happy for you. Wish I could bring you dinner or grab those two little monkeys for a few hours to give you a break. Hang in there!

Merry Christmas to you guys!

Mama B said...

YAY!!! So happy and excited for you! LOVE hearing news like this!

Rachel Doyle said...

Megan -
I totally get it - When my third baby was born - I had a 24 month old and a 14 month old - I thought I was going to lose my min -- but here I am two years later and I survived and so will you! I too just found out I am expecting - due 7-9-12 and feeling much the same way as you are - overwhelmed, tired, sick, and a bit excited about the thoughts of a new baby! I guess heaven knows better than us - I wish you well. Rachel

Samantha said...

What and amazing blessing. God bless you and your family!!