Lucy at six months

Lucy got to spend her six month birthday taking a little plane ride with me to go visit my sweet friend Christy. The plane ride there she was a champ! She smiled at everyone that would notice her, she nursed through take-off and landing and slept peacefully in between it all.

Then, for three days she got snuggled on by some of our favorite people in the world and enjoyed every minute of it! Luckily there was almost enough craziness in their home as their is in ours, so Lucy felt right at home among their three turkeys.

Some other firsts for Lucy - going to the movie theater (we were all dying to see Les Miserables and Lucy did awesome, sleeping through almost the entire movie! It was such a good movie, too!!), going out to eat, and chilling out at the salon while we got pedicures (no pedicure for Lucy, though... we'll wait a few more years for that!). She is such an easy-going, happy baby!

The plane ride home wasn't as smooth, but it wasn't terrible either. Lucy was extra tired and wasn't too much in the mood to be stuck anywhere for any length of time.

A couple of days after getting back home Lucy had her six month check-up, revealing more of the same healthy growth stats as we've seen from the beginning.

Current weight: 19 pounds 5 ounces (91st percentile)

Current length: 28 1/2 inches long (99th percentile)

She is growing up so fast. Rolling over to get across the room and back, practicing her push-ups, and starting to show some initial signs that crawling might be close around the corner. She has been sick the last little bit, so her sleeping habits have gotten terrible, but I'm not without hope that she'll bounce back into sleeping through the night again really soon. She is a sweetheart, loving us with her passionate face grabbing and pulling us closer for some slobbery kisses. We love her and love the soft and gentle side she brings out of the boys, too! They just adore her!

New Year, New Home

At the beginning of December we found out that our landlord sold the house we were living in and we were given 60 days to find a new home. It was a little stressful not knowing how it was all going to turn out, not knowing where and how and when we'd find a new home, but deep down Marc and I both felt a calm reassurance that everything would come together perfectly. And, it did... more perfectly than I could have imagined!

We looked at a couple of houses on the market and found a couple we were interested in. At closer look, we didn't like the location or the landscaping at one place. The other house was perfect for us, but we found out the owners weren't wanting to rent to pet owners. So our two cats eliminated us. At first, anyway.

When I felt like we were stuck without any further options and was starting to panic just a little, I posted on facebook to see if any of my local friends knew of any other homes we hadn't yet found. Turns out that a good friend of mine (since sixth grade) contacted me about her parents renting the home she grew up in... which just happened to be the very same home we had already inquired about and thought would be perfect for us. When I first called about it, I had no idea that her parents were still connected to it, since I knew they lived on the other side of town. So, after talking with my friend's dad on the phone and explaining our pet situation, they decided to make an exception on their no-pet-policy, just for us!

Unfortunately for them, their house had been left in pretty bad shape from the previous renters, so fortunately for us we moved into a home with brand new everything, a big kitchen, four bedrooms and a separate office space in the very spacious backyard for Marc. It is such a lovely home in a nice, quiet neighborhood.

(Ben playing in our backyard, in front of Daddy's office)

The day we moved in - New Year's Eve - our next door neighbors (who we hadn't even officially met yet) came over with a large pizza, plates, napkins, a plate of cookies, and a dispenser of soap. I'm not sure you can get a nicer, warmer welcome than that!

After a long day of moving in, and after getting the kids settled in bed, I spent a couple of hours cleaning at our old place (with the help of my dad - thank goodness!). It wasn't exactly the way I wanted to spend New Year's Eve, but I did manage to make it back home shortly after ten. Marc and I kicked our feet up and opened up a bottle of Martinelli's, taking turns drinking directly from the bottle. Not having glasses unpacked made the moment that much more memorable.

That first night in our new home, hearing the fireworks going off in the distance as I laid in bed, I couldn't help but feel like celebrating the chance to be in a new home at the beginning of a new year. Right away there was a comforting feeling that enveloped me about our new surroundings, which was quite the opposite feeling I'd had in our last home. There, I spent the first two months feeling regretful about our choice and had an unsettled feeling about our situation.

Here, it has felt like home from the first moment. If walls could talk, I love imagining the happy experiences the walls of this home would reveal from the years my good friend spent here with her happy family. And, I love adding our own happy memories to the good feeling that already exists. I get the feeling it's going to be a happy year ahead. And, I'm so grateful for how perfectly everything worked together for us.

Three Years!

The week after Christmas was one of the craziest we've had and it's taken me a few weeks to bounce back. I've got quite a lot to catch up on. A birthday, a house of sickies, a big move, and a new house to get settled into. All of that happened in less than a week. Then, there was the fun of unpacking, shopping for a washer and dryer, taking a much-needed trip to see a dear friend (just Lucy and me), and then another week of sickies. To say I'm tired is an understatement.

As much as I dislike doing big recaps, the next few posts will be exactly that, starting with Ben's big day. So, here we go...

Ben is THREE! The morning started with Marc taking Ben to the store to buy birthday doughnuts and balloons. He was so excited! Unfortunately around mid-morning, and just before his birth family arrived for his party, he started to act lethargic and clearly didn't feel well. He ended up cuddling up in Marc's lap during most of the party, eating a few bites of pizza here and there. He really perked up, though, when it was cake time.

About a month before his birthday I showed him pictures of a dozen or so different cake ideas and let him pick the one he wanted. Right away he picked the Dump Truck. I was convinced that in his usual toddler fashion he'd change his mind a dozen times before his birthday, so I asked him about every other day. But, he remained consistent in his response every single time.

The day before his birthday he hurt his wrist somehow - we think he must have sprained or twisted it. After looking at it really closely and determining that it wasn't a serious injury, we wrapped it up in an ace bandage, which he thought was pretty cool... but it was still so sad to watch the way he just let his arm hang limply to his side.

We were so happy to have Tracey join us for Ben's birthday again this year. She came with her mom and her daughter, Taylor. This was the first time for Ben to meet Taylor (besides just after he was born) and it was fun to watch them play and interact together. We also had my brother, Jamie, and his family in town and they were with us for Ben's party, too.

Soon after the party was over and everyone had left, we all crashed and slept the afternoon away. Ben ended up throwing up later in the day, reminiscent of how his first birthday ended... hopefully this won't become tradition. Poor kid.

Overall, it was a fun day and Ben seemed to enjoy having all the attention on him. He is such a sweet boy - so creative, so adventurous, so hilarious, so tender to the core. We love him more and more and more. It's impossible to even consider what our family would be like or what the dynamics would look like without him.

Christmas Reflections

It has been a wonderful month with my little family, leading up to today's celebration. I've loved watching Ben and Hugh start to catch on to the whole idea of Santa Claus, but even more starting to understand the real reason is to celebrate Jesus' birth. They seem very familiar now with the role of the three wise men, thanks mostly to Marc's role and costume at our Church's Christmas dinner.

I've especially loved the quiet moments with my little Lucy. I love her so much, to the point that my heart aches with love. (Not that I don't love my boys just as much... it's just a different love.) I don't know quite how to describe it. I think there is some aspect of feeling extra protective of my baby girl, as well as some part of me that is reminded of how much I love my other two girls.

But, there is something extra magical about celebrating Christmas with a baby around. It seems so much easier to imagine being Mary, holding her precious newborn, anticipating what blessings and surprises the future will hold for that little one. I can't imagine what emotions she must have experienced knowing her perfect, tiny babe would be the most important person ever to come into the world.

The other day at church, my heart was particularly tender and as we closed the final meeting with Away in a Manger, the words overwhelmed me to tears. Since I was the one leading the music, I tried my best to hide it, but at one point I was too choked up to even get the words out.

We had just had a lesson, based on this talk by Elder Holland (my favorite talk from this past General Conference). I was feeling so overwhelmed with gratitude for the Savior's love in my life, for His willingness to fulfill His mission, His willingness to suffer for my pains and sins, His willingness to die so that we can live again and find purpose in living when life falls apart. He has been with me through life's hardest moments, I've felt it and know it without a doubt. He has been my source of strength and hope.

Lucy had fallen asleep in my arms about half way through the lesson. The weight and warmth of her little body cuddled up against mine filled my heart with so much love. Love for her and love for the little Baby born so long ago, making it possible for my little family to be eternal. But, not just my family. Every family. Those grieving families in Connecticut. I'm still thinking of and praying for them.

So, after that particularly touching lesson and with my little Lucy still softly sleeping on my shoulder, as we sang the final verse of that Christmas hymn, there was no way to keep the tears from coming.

Be near me, Lord Jesus; I ask thee to stay Close by me forever, and love me, I pray. Bless all the dear children in thy tender care, And fit us for heaven, to live with thee there.

This is precisely why it's the most wonderful time of the year. Music and words that make us pause and reflect and recommit and prioritize. The challenge now, like with every year, is to remember those reflections and promises to try to be just a little bit better and remember the love and role of our Savior just a little bit more.

His Hand is Stretched out still

We don't watch a lot of TV, especially not during the day. Last Friday I didn't hear about the awful events in Newtown, CT until a little later in the day. It was disturbing news... even before finding out that it all took place at an elementary school. That just took it to a whole new level. I found myself shaking my head in disbelief, so much that by early afternoon I had a headache and a stomach that wouldn't settle.

That afternoon, in a bit of a daze, I watched my boys making messes and doing things in general that usually drive me crazy (unrolling a whole roll of paper towels, fighting over toys, etc...) and I actually found myself feeling grateful that I had them there with me, alive and well enough to be making those messes.

When it quieted down for nap time, I took some time with each of them to cup their faces in my hands, looking into their eyes and told them that I loved them. Hugh looked back at me with big eyes, almost as if he sensed the intensity of the moment. I honestly felt a little relief that they are too young to go into any detail with them about what happened. It makes me a little sad to think that one day there will be some other awful story in the news and I'll probably have to then. I just hope a horror like that isn't ever anything any of us will have to experience first-hand.

I tried to put myself in the shoes of a six-year old child in that kind of situation or in the shoes of a mother who has to hear her child is gone, taken in such an evil way. But, it was all too unsettling and I just couldn't go there.

In the process of trying to come to terms with my own feelings about the tragic details, I came across a lot of quotes and images on facebook that people wanted to share. One that came up a number of times was the quote by Mr. Rogers:

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,’ I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers - so many caring people in this world.”

I appreciated hearing such wise words from a wise man. There was another sentiment that came up that, on the surface, seemed like a good explanation, but deep down made me feel uncomfortable. This idea that the shooting happened in Newtown because we've pushed God out of our schools and so He's abandoned us.

I'm still sorting through my feelings on the matter, so bear with me. While God doesn't force His will or His love on us, I feel very certain that He has much "thicker skin" than us emotionally fragile humans. We can push Him away over and over and cut Him off completely, but as was often quoted by Isaiah, even at our very worst, "His hand is stretched out still." I can't imagine that God, a loving Father in Heaven, would withhold His comfort and presence from a school full of young children, HIS young children, just because there was some person somewhere that said there shouldn't be prayer in school.

What about the shooting that happened at the Amish school a few years back? They likely had prayer to start their day. Or, what about shootings that happen inside churches or other places of worship? In those cases, the logic of that sentiment totally falls apart.

The truth is that sometimes we pray for things and sometimes those prayers are answered and sometimes they're not. Sometimes God sees fit to intervene and provide protection and sometimes He doesn't. It can feel futile to try to make sense of why He does or doesn't do something, but it's important to remember that God sees a much clearer picture of His plan and His purposes.

It seems to me that it comes down to a matter of agency, or free will. God allows us to make choices. He can try to persuade or prompt us in a certain direction, but He will never force us to be good or to follow His commandments. That means that sometimes evil things happen. Does that make God less powerful or less available to the innocent who suffer at the hands of evil? No way.

In fact, if there were some way we could get a glimpse of Sandy Hook in the moments before, during, and after the shooting occurred, and if it were possible to see the tragedy with spiritual eyes, I wonder what we would see. I imagine we'd see hosts of angels, waiting and ready to comfort, to calm, to inspire, to strengthen. Just because the shooter was able to accomplish his evil act and killed so many innocent children, and equally innocent adults, doesn't mean that God was not there. Surely He was no where else but there that day, watching with the same heartache and sadness at one of His own sons using his agency to hurt so many people in an unimaginable way.

I don't know why He allowed it to happen. I don't know why He didn't intervene. But, the God I know wouldn't have been anywhere else that day. And, for those who have been left behind, I know He is there walking with them, suffering and grieving with them. He does not leave us comfortless. He seeks us out and walks with us.

It's awful what happened. It's unimaginable. I've shed tears over it.

I'd imagine God has shed more than anyone.

Thanksgiving in Seattle

What a busy time! So much has happened, is happening, and will be happening... where do I even begin?! I really dislike doing recaps, but I dislike even more not making note of special events and experiences that I know I'll forget if I don't write them down.

So, here it goes...

We made the long drive up to Washington to visit Marc's family for Thanksgiving. The kids did great in the car! We've figured out the trick is having lots of variety of snacks (including their very favorites like red licorice and animal crackers), a few new toys (this time it was magna-doodles, and some new hot wheels), as well as a selection of DVDs (on this trip we watched Finding Nemo and Cars).

Pulled out of our driveway at 5:21am. Three hours later we stopped at a McDonalds in Shasta Lake for breakfast - nice, clean, quiet, easy on/off freeway, definitely will stop here again. Next stop was a Quizno's in Grants Pass for lunch, then a walk around Fred Meyer for Marc and the boys while I fed Lucy in the car. Next stop was a McDonalds in Salem (I think) for a quick ice cream cone for the boys, while I fed Lucy in the car. It was raining so hard and I was really distracted by all the people lining up around the Red Box. In the rain. Final stop was Vancouver for a few days' visit with Marc's sister and family.

Highlights - Chaplan (their bird) loved the top of Ben's head. The boys were in candy heaven, eating nearly the entire supply of Swedish fish within their reach. We watched the Avengers with the whole family (while our three little ones slept). Lounged and chatted, laughed, and got all caught up with the goings on in each others' lives. It felt just like heaven, as it always does.

Then, we made our way up the rest of the way to Seattle (or more accurately, Auburn) on the day before Thanksgiving, which was a huge mistake. What should have been a two-hour drive ended up being more than four. Terrible traffic, making for some interesting and creative ways to feed Lucy while keeping her buckled up. Not easy and definitely not fun, but sometimes you just do what you have to do.

Some favorite moments from the few days with the rest of Marc's family - spending time with Nana - the boys love all of her tanks and planes that they get to play with when we visit and we all love the extra attention and help. My brother-in-law's amazing guacamole (I ate so much - I couldn't resist!). The rest of the food was delicious, too! Getting to meet baby Henry and seeing Lucy and him interact. Ben wanting to play outside, no matter how cold or how dark or how rainy it got, and watching Hugh struggle between wanting to keep up with Ben and just wanting to be dry and warm inside. Leaving Lucy to take a nap with Daddy while I went on a long walk with the boys around Nana's neighborhood. Eating lasagna one night and then watching "Romantics Anonymous" (a cute French movie) with Marc's brother and his wife. So fun! The best part is watching our kids connect and make memories with their extended family!

The trip back home went just as smoothly, though a little slower with a few more stops and took a little longer. We stopped for lunch and final good-byes in Vancouver (and to pick up a stray pair of Ben's pants), got lost in Eugene trying to find a park for the boys and ended up stopping at a rest stop, and visited a friend from home that just recently moved to Grants Pass, before we finally made our way to Redding for the night. We ate some terrible microwave food for dinner (since it was Sunday and we were trying to keep the fifth commandment as much as possible... or is it the fourth? Sabbath day holy? Anyone?) and then Ben slept with Daddy, while Hugh and I shared a bed, and Lucy slept in the pack 'n play.

It was awesome to see the looks on the boys' faces when we went down for breakfast the next morning. All that food and all within reach! Ben went straight for a slice of bread, while Hugh went for the blueberry muffin. I tried to help an older lady get her waffle off the waffle iron, and after touching it for a quick second with the tip of my finger realized I probably really over-stepped the boundaries. Oops!

That final leg took us three hours and we were so happy to be home! I even got everything unpacked and organized before the end of the day. Fun times and fun memories!

I'll come back and add in photos later... hopefully tomorrow.

Lucy - four months

Last Saturday Lucy turned four months old. Today I took her in for her four month check-up. She is getting so big and I guessed that she'd probably weigh about 15 pounds. I think the nurse's eyes were as big as mine when the scale told us she was SEVENTEEN pounds (plus FIVE ounces)! In addition, she's 27 inches tall. I came home and warned her brothers. At the same age, Hugh weighed 16 pounds 4 ounces and Ben was 14 pounds 12 ounces.

Our sweet Lucy Jane is just oozing with cuteness and calm. She brings such a different dynamic to our home. She is the calm amid the chaos; the soft amid the rough. The boys can be bouncing off the walls, but as soon as they approach Lucy they gather all their wild energy and with the most amazing restraint and control, they softly kiss her on the head. I have loved watching such a sweet side to them emerge when she is around, and I'm looking forward to watching how their love for her will continue to develop as they grow up together.

Lucy is such an easy baby, so sweet and so happy. She hasn't quite returned to her (really) long stretches of sleeping at night, but I'm really not complaining at all with what usually ends up as a couple of 5-6 hour stretches. Plus, when she wakes up in the middle of the night fussing and hungry, as soon as she sees my head appear over the side of the crib, she kicks her legs, spreads out her arms and gives a little squeal. I mean, come on, who wouldn't want to wake up to that, even if it is at 2am?!

Before Lucy was born I was really preoccupied with thoughts about how she would or wouldn't compare to our twins. Would she look like them? Would she remind me too much of them? Would holding her make me happy or sad? Would life feel more complete with her or would her presence just remind me of the two that were missing?

It was a battle of opposing emotions and I had no idea how to prepare myself for so many questions that were unknowable beforehand. Lucy arrived and took her proper place in our family, not replacing anyone, but filling a new void that I wasn't even aware was there until she filled it with her light and her love. She has brought so much happiness into our family and so much healing into my heart. I do find myself thinking of the twins more often, but more in terms of anticipating the relationships that will come later when we're all reunited again.

For now, I'm loving every waking moment I have with my baby girl. She and I are pretty much inseparable and I really don't mind her need to be near me at all times. I love the nearness of her and feel so grateful for the light she has brought into my life.

Halloween

For Halloween this year Ben was a "Rocket Boy" or "Rocket Guy"... basically The Rocketeer. He was so excited as I was putting the finishing touches on his costume that he starting saying, "Push the button. Up in the sky." He actually thought his costume would make him fly. Cute kid. I just love his active imagination.

We were actually going to have Hugh be a rocket guy, too, but then one day I decided to give them a couple of different options and Hugh actually chose to be a football player. I decided to go ahead and start on making helmets for both costumes (out of paper mache) and then ask Hugh again and again what he wanted to be for Halloween, to make sure his 2-year old mind was made up. And, surprisingly, every time I asked him "what do you want to be for Halloween?" the answer was consistently "football player."

And, that was how we decided that Lucy would be a football. Not the cutest idea for a sweet baby girl, but it was simple and easy. And, I figure it's in my best interest to go with simple and easy before they gain a super strong opinion of their own.

As I was in the middle of the costume creation process I was coming up with all kinds of alternate plans, feeling just slightly embarrassed for my kids in the event that they all looked a little ghetto in their homemade, pieced-together costumes. But, I was actually very happy with how they all turned out and was so pleased at the responses we got from people at our church's trunk or treat. Turns out everyone loves a good, old-fashioned, homemade costume... even if they do look a little pieced-together.

Before going to the church's party, we went to one house - Ben's teacher. She invited the boys inside and gave them each a small flashlight along with their choice of candy from their tray. It was cute to watch their little hands hovering over the tray, trying to figure out which of the tantalizing treats they would choose. I think Hugh picked a Hershey's bar and Ben went for the plain M&Ms.

When we turned to leave, there was a small group of older kids who had gathered at the front porch. I turned to grab Hugh's hand and saw the frightened look all over his face. The kids at the door were dressed in some pretty convincingly scary costumes and Hugh had no idea what was going on. As I tried to coax him out, he backed further into the house saying, "no, no". I was finally able to reassure him that it was okay and we left. But, the whole 50 yards to our car, he kept looking back, worried we were being followed. And, since Halloween has never been a favorite holiday I totally understood.

So, that was our fun Halloween. The boys crashed when we got home and slept in later than usual the next morning and Marc even said, "if only Halloween were every night." Who would have thought?! Plus, since we went the homemade route, the only things we had to buy were two cans of spray paint and pipe cleaners - less than $10. And, I'm hoping that next year they'll just want to swap costumes! I guess time will tell.