Photo Catch Up

After finally getting photos from the last three months off our camera, I found some great shots of the boys that I'd totally forgotten about. So, here's a little glimpse into the last couple of months.

These first three were taken while we were visiting Marc's mom. The boys were running around with their cousin Eliza, playing and laughing.

The boys have started to show a lot more interest in helping me in the kitchen, whether I'm cleaning or cooking or doing the dishes. They want to be right in the middle of the action. It's super cute and I really love it, even if sometimes it takes a little bit longer and we all get a little bit messier. Here they are helping me make bread, standing on buckets to be able to reach the countertop.

I love this next photo! I'm not sure what prompted them to do it, but they both spontaneously got into their praying position - Ben tucking his fists under his chin and Hugh folding his arms. Maybe they thought they'd get the bread right away after saying a prayer... who knows? So cute, though!

And, just so you don't mistakenly think that they are perfect little angels all the time, just seconds after being in their praying position, Ben smacked Hugh on the head with the pancake flipper, then smacked himself on the head, perhaps hoping that would even things out. What you don't see since I was scrambling to get to their side to break up the scuffle before someone really got hurt, is Hugh's revenge. Hugh got down, grabbed Ben by his shirt and pulled him off his bucket and onto the floor on his back. Funny how things can go from happily baking together one second to fighting and crying the next... just part of life, I guess!

Since Marc and I both wear glasses, both boys are constantly wanting to wear glasses. In Nursery at church we're told that they are always trying to put Mr. Potato Head's glasses on their own faces, and the only two kids in the group who are interested in the glasses at all. So, every once in a while we'll give in and let them try ours on for a quick second. Here's Hugh wearing mine:

Getting comfortable with failure

Phew, it's been a busy week! The weather this week was a beautiful prelude for spring's approaching arrival, though it still feels a bit out of place since we haven't seemed to have had a normal winter yet. Still, I sure love these days with temps in the 70s, the feel of wearing my flip flops again, and going outside with a short-sleeved shirt. With weather like that we've been spending more time soaking up that organic vitamin D.

We spent a few mornings out in the backyard, the boys playing in their sand and water table (minus the water for now) while I dug my hands into the dirt to pull up some weeds, listening to the soundtrack of my happy, giggling boys in the background. I was so pleasantly surprised to discover how much better Ben and Hugh play together outside than they do inside. It was peaceful and warm and I got my hands dirty. I really, really love getting my hands in dirt. There must be someone else out there who completely gets what I mean by that without any further explanation. Yes?

And, since I'm the mother of two young boys I was super excited to find a worm in my digging. (Otherwise I would have been semi-grossed out.) I called for Ben and Hugh to come look. You should have seen the ways their eyes lit up and their hands trembled to get their turn to touch the slimy, wiggly little guy. Ben had his sand pail with him, so I put some dirt in his bucket and then put the worm in there for him. The expression on his face made it clear that he thought that was just about the coolest thing ever. (And, doesn't that follow that I would then be considered the coolest mom ever?! haha!)

And, just when I was starting to think things couldn't be going any better I found a caterpillar. And then two more after that. I grabbed an old 10# wheat can that I had just emptied out the week before and thought I'd better hang on to it for something exactly like this. I had the boys help me put in a good layer of soil at the bottom, then we put in some leaves and welcomed our three caterpillars into their new home. They seemed pretty excited about what we were doing, even though I'm pretty sure they weren't thinking quite as far ahead as I was.

I was having visions of watching these three caterpillars go through their process to becoming something miraculous and beautiful and teaching my very young toddlers all about it along the way. I'd finally redeem myself from all those years of struggling through every science class I ever took. I'd make it fun and exciting and learn new things myself.

So, while the boys were down for naps I transferred the caterpillars to a glass fish bowl, all set up properly (according to my search results on Google). I almost took pictures to show off the start of Science Project #1, with plans to document the entire process with photos. Imagine my visions of beautiful pupas, watching the butterflies emerge in all their glory, setting them free with the boys by my side. Our first science experiment together!

With all of these grand visions dancing through my head, you can only imagine my great disappointment when the next day I checked on our little caterpillars only to find that all three had died. So much for redemption. At least the boys are still too young to know what a terrible failure I am at anything remotely related to science. Maybe I still have some time!

But, you know, there was something about this experience that made me start to feel more comfortable with failure. Although, not just failure ('cause I'm already a pro at that), but more specifically feeling comfortable with my boys seeing me fail. It's part of life and I know it'll be healthy for them to see me in situations of falling short. My hope is that I'm also able to show them how to get back up and try again, how to greet failure without losing the excitement of attempting new things and still hungry to learn.

As a bit of a side note, you know what's funny? For Valentine's Day I made homemade fortune cookies, complete with fortunes I found with Google's help. And, one of them actually goes perfectly with this little story:

"Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."

In Knots

A few days ago Marc and I decided we really wanted to take the boys to a pumpkin patch this year. After some searching online, I found what seemed like the perfect place. A pyramid of hay bales for climbing, a petting zoo, pony rides, and pumpkins, of course. We figured a Thursday afternoon would be the perfect day and time to avoid big crowds and so that was our big adventure for today.

We made a scenic 45-minute drive past beautiful autumn-colored grapevines and those lovely rolling golden hills, with Grandma and Grandpa in their car behind us and some other friends following behind them. It was the makings for a perfect day of fun!

We started off watching the chickens behind their cage. Ben got pecked on his curious little finger that got a little too close, but didn't seem to mind. He did learn his lesson, though, and would just lean his face in close to the cage instead, but clearly keeping a much safer distance. There were cows and at least five little piglets, two ponies, and lots and lots of flies. There was a large field of rows of pumpkins and old rusty tractors for playing on and taking fun photos.

Our two boys and our friends' two boys ran around from one fun corner of the patch to another, with smiles and laughter and that contagious joy you wish you could bottle up and keep forever.

Then, it happened.

Marc was holding Hugh, watching the ponies from behind some railing. Ben ran over to join them and I was standing just a few feet behind them, watching. Then, before I knew what was happening, Ben was on his hands and knees crawling under the railing into the ponies area. Marc tried to grab the back of his pants, but he wiggled free. I ran over as fast as I could, but it was too late. One of the ponies got scared and jumped out of the way, hitting Ben right on the side of the head with his hoof.

It's all such a blur. I grabbed him up as fast as I could. He was screaming and I was so scared of what I'd find when I turned his head over to survey the damage. There was some blood on the upper portion of his right ear and some mud (and/or poop) caked into his hair and head right behind his right ear. My Dad whipped out his trusty white handkerchief (so glad he still carries one around with him) and I used that to put pressure on the part that was bleeding and then we took him to a far corner to try to clean him up and look at everything a little closer.

Luckily, our friend is an RN in the ER and was able to take a look and reassure us that Ben was going to be okay and that his cuts wouldn't need stitches. The upper part of Ben's ear has some cuts and was pretty badly swollen by the time we laid him down for bed tonight, but that seems to be the extent of his injuries.

Oh, and that my stomach is still in knots from replaying the scene in my head all night. But, really, the main reason for the knots is knowing how much worse it could have been. I'm just feeling so relieved and grateful that Ben was spared more serious injuries from what could have been a much more serious situation. With this being the third blood-involved injury in a week, I have two main thoughts: I'm really grateful we were required to take a First Aid class for the adoption process and I'm wondering how I'm going to survive life with such fearless boys.

"More, more, more!"

Ben and Hugh both LOVE trucks. They have books of trucks that they fight over. They have hot wheel trucks that they hide from each other. They like to watch youtube videos of trucks. Whenever a truck passes by they pause in complete adoration. Hugh will pull out his higher pitched voice and say, "aaahhh, truck!" while pointing in its direction and leaning forward with excitement.

Ben isn't saying truck consistently yet, but the other day he did something even cuter. We were out on our afternoon walk and approaching an intersection with an ambulance coming toward the same intersection. So, I stopped about fifty feet from the corner to let the boys watch it pass by. (I didn't want to be too close, in case the loud siren would scare them.) The noise and excitement were too much for Hugh and he just sat there, stunned. Ben, though, leaned as far forward as he could, with the stroller straps stretching to their limits, and then as quickly and emphatically as he could do it, he signed "more, more, more!"

It was so awesome! I wished I could have gotten it on video. We've been concerned a little about Ben and what seem to be a language delay and I've been trying sign language and other one-on-one activities with him to help him learn more words. His receptive language skills are improving by leaps and bounds lately, but we're still struggling a little with his expressive language.

But, there was something about that moment... it was so sweet and rewarding to watch him get so excited about that ambulance that he expressed it with a sign he's familiar with (though we mostly use it for wanting more food), and that he also expressed it without any prompting from anyone. It was a pure moment of the most honest expression of a true desire. And, it was beautiful!

These simple moments of motherhood are so joyful. I love watching my boys as they experience the world and feeling their excitement about things like trucks driving by and airplanes flying up above. When their eyes light up, it's just contagious. So, if you see me stopped at a street corner watching trucks passing by and pointing at the airplanes in the sky, come on over and enjoy the view with us! I'm not sure it gets any better than this.

Life with Boys

Where did September go? My absence around here should clearly indicate that I'm the mother of two very active toddler boys who are on the go go go, which actually requires me to be going even faster. I was warned of this, but it's pretty funny how often I find myself having to run in opposite directions.

It's been a busy month, mostly spent enjoying the final hot days of summer (as in triple digits), knowing that our rainy season will be just around the corner (which means like three straight months of rain in some cases).

Have I ever expressed how much fun it is to have boys?! They are fun and hilarious and so stinkin' cute! And, just in case you need some proof, here is just a glimpse of our last month:

Ben and Hugh - sword fighting with Grandma's silk flowers... boys will be boys!

Ben doing his yoga... a pretty common pose to find him in throughout the day:

Hugh finding yet another way to pester his big brother:

Hugh picking blackberries, not afraid of the thorns or the sour berries

The frog we found in the sand/water table in our backyard... he quickly became Ben's best friend, picking it up without any hesitation but with so much gentleness, then gently placing him back in the water after a quick blow on the face (we think that was his way of kissing it...haha!)... Hugh, on the other hand, didn't want to have anything to do with the little frog.

Here you can see the frog where Ben had placed him on the ledge, hoping he'd jump into the water again:

Hugh learning how to rake the leaves... might as well get them working young, right?!

Shouldn't every kid have a picture like this as a baby?

Or at least one like this:

I look at pictures like this one and am amazed at how fast the time is going... look how big he looks!

And, then I look at pictures like this and just about die laughing... how much will he hate me for this?! (He is normally dressed at all times, but on this particular day he had a bad rash, so I was letting him air out a little.)

So, yes, life is busy with these two. But, boring? No way! And, though I feel like I'm always saying it, I'll say it again and again:

I wouldn't have it any other way!

A complicated Mother's Day

As Mother's Day approached this year, I had a flood of conflicting feelings come surfacing...

Gratitude for my own mother, for the blessing of being a mother myself, for those in my life who make me want to be a better mother.

Guilt for not measuring up.

Joy that comes from having two boys as mine.

Heartache for those who are still faithfully seeking out motherhood and might be having an extra hard time.

Satisfaction at where we've been and how far we've come in our own journey.

Inadequacy in falling short so often.

To name just a few.

And, with the day before Mother's Day being Birth Mother's Day, I was working on a couple of gifts to express our love and gratitude to Ben's birth mother, Tracey. I am in debt to her for the role she played in making me the mother to the sweetest blue-eyed boy.

As I was going through photos and videos from the last year, I inadvertently came across the video of Hugh's birth, which holds its own powerful emotions that still overwhelm me. Two miracles, each coming to us in their own unique way.

Sometimes I just shake my head in disbelief, not quite sure how we got to this place. But, here we are with more joy than we know what to do with. And, I feel guilty about that. I really do.

That's when I realized Mother's Day is really a complicated holiday. (Am I the only one who feels this way??) I've had years when I've disliked it so much I've wished I could cancel it somehow or skip over it or plaster it with Nutella (but, I wish I could plaster everything with Nutella). Then, last year I finally had a baby in my arms, living proof that I was indeed a mother, which obviously made it a much more festive holiday than years past. This Mother's Day, I figured, was bound to be even better, having both my arms filled with my two boys.

That was until at roughly ten to eight in the morning. I was cracking an egg into the pancake batter when I heard a crash. There was my little Hugh lying on the floor with our end table laying on top of him. We think he was reaching for the clock that was sitting on the table (which normally is up on top of our bookshelf) and in his reaching he brought the table down on himself.

I felt awful! He screamed, and I mean screamed like nothing I've ever heard. Then the bloody nose started. I was trying to stop the bleeding, but he would jerk his head from side to side trying to keep me from touching any part of his nose. We were worried that he might have broken his nose. The lump on his forehead was already starting to form, so I was trying to ice it with a bag of frozen corn. Oh, and I was shaking like crazy, wanting to fall into a puddle of my own tears. I tried to have Marc take over for a minute while I composed myself, but that made Hugh even more upset. It was high-adrenaline for about a half hour. Then, the crying slowly stopped, we offered him some Tylenol, and he fell asleep cuddled in my arms.

I was relieved that later, after a good, long nap, he was happy and seemingly oblivious to the trauma of the morning -

I am grateful beyond words for the blessing of being a mother, with all the ups and downs. I love my days with Ben and Hugh more than any other way I've spent my days previously. I just hope one day they'll forgive me for all the ways I'm surely going to mess things up.

And, I'm realizing that somehow I've got to figure out how to celebrate Mother's Day without all the conflicting and complicated feelings that seem to come with it now. I have to believe there are others out there who feel the same. Anyone?

Life with Boys

I grew up with five brothers. I felt like I was somewhat prepared for life with boys. I just didn't realize how early some of their boyish instincts would kick in. Benjamin has been testing his climbing limits for a few months now, but he's clearly getting more and more confident (and risky).

And, then there's Hugh. He's always been a bit more cautious than Ben. But, he must be taking careful notes of everything Ben does. I had my back turned for just a few minutes and when I turned to check on my boys, I noticed that look on Hugh's face... like he was looking for trouble. Do you see it, too?

Oh, that mischievous grin!

I didn't happen to capture it on camera because I was panicking a little and had put the camera down... but, at one point Hugh was standing up and hanging onto the bookshelf, like Ben was doing. At ten months, mind you.

Heaven help me!

Oh, and by the way, the reason for the empty bookshelves and the cardboard boxes - we're moving! Just across town and into a larger home for our growing family. Wait, that isn't an announcement of any kind... just meaning that our family has doubled in size since we moved into our current place! (I really should be more careful how I say things around here.) We really like the place we're in right now, but we're also really excited about our new home. Lots of great things to look forward to.

Which, reminds me... anybody have any helpful advice or tips about how to make our move more smooth for our boys? I've been a little worried about how a change like this will affect Ben and Hugh. Oh, and our plan is to move them into the same bedroom with this move, now that they're both on the same sleep schedule. And, I'm not quite sure what to expect with a transition like that.

Any advice?